


You're Beside Me

by orphan_account



Series: Agent AU [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blindfolds, Blood, Borderline dub-con, Captivity, Clamps - Freeform, Coming Untouched, Creampie, Dildos, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemas, Gags, Gore, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Light Bondage, M/M, Masturbation, Negotiations, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Room 9 shenanigans, Rope Bondage, Sounding, Spanking, Stephane is married, Teacher-Student Relationship, The Author Regrets Everything, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrequited Love, Urethral Play, Victims of Non-Ethical Research, but not really?, sort of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23231212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Two experienced intelligence officers found themselves in a unethical behavioural study. They spent 10 days in an isolated bedroom, trying to make the best decisions and to support each other through it.Inspired by a Japanese video game 'Room 9'.
Relationships: Stéphane Lambiel & Deniss Vasiljevs, Stéphane Lambiel/Christopher Trevisan, Stéphane Lambiel/Christopher Trevisan/Deniss Vasiljevs, Stéphane Lambiel/Deniss Vasiļjevs
Series: Agent AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1895341
Comments: 24
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine is boring so I dug out this from the bottom of my 'I'll Write This Someday' folder. This is completely fictional, and highly likely very out of character. It's more like a collection of my weird kinky ideas, so please read at your own discretion.  
> This is the same AU as 'Recondita Armonia', where both of them serve in the Intelligence Service, and Stephane was Deniss' mentor before his qualification.  
> It's not proofread/beta'd, because I can't believe I'm writing this smut (but I am)

Deniss woke up in an unfamiliar bed. It was too soft, and the light was too bright. He always remembered to turn the lights off and draw the curtain close every night before he went to bed; it wasn’t even his room. He almost jumped out of bed once he realized this, a moment of panic taking hold of him.

“Deniss?” He turned to follow that familiar soft voice, and saw Stephane sitting on the other end of the double bed.

“Where are we?” Deniss asked without hesitation, “What is happening?” He felt his panic settling down a little bit. If Stephane is here, at least he won’t be alone in dealing with this situation.

Stephane didn’t answer immediately. He took Deniss’s hand and held it for a while, “I don’t know where we are beside the fact that it’s a locked en-suite bedroom. As for what is happening, that’s the only information I’ve found.”

He handed Deniss a piece of paper. “It was on the desk when I wake up, about ten minutes ago. It seems to be some kind of study, and we are, well, ‘invited’ to participate.” 

Deniss quickly skimmed through the page. “It’s ridiculous.” He murmured, “Tell me I’m not in a dream?”

Stephane pinched the young man’s wrist gently. “That was what I was thinking a moment ago.”

Deniss hissed. “Oh damn. Is not organized by the headquarters?” He knew that the research side of their intelligence service sometimes asks their staff to be participants in various types of research.

Stephane looked around. “Not that I know of. And as far as I know, we have basic ethics protocols.”

“Behavioral and psychological study…”Deniss read the document again, “You know, I feel like those batches of rats or rabbits. But what are we doing exactly?”

Stephane pointed to the middle of the page. “Brief summary of the study.”

“Okay.” Deniss read it with a low voice, “Participants are be labeled A and B, and daily tasks will be set at 10 am in the morning. They are required to choose one out of two by noon, and have 12 hours to complete it. The rooms are monitored, and switching is not allowed. The next day’s food will be provided upon completion of the chosen task. Completion of 10 daily tasks marks the end of the whole study, when the participants will be allowed to leave the centre. Death of either participant will also end the study with immediate effect.”

Deniss frowned after reading it. “I still can’t believe it’s real.” Even as a trained intelligence officer, this seems to be very bizarre. “And what is this-‘death of either participant’?” He stared at the last line, “Really, it doesn’t sound pleasant. So there’s something life-threatening?”

Stephane paused for a while. “I’ll imagine life-threatening tasks, or maybe…” He took a deep breath, “This study will cause a certain degree of extreme psychological distress.” He didn't say it out loud, but Deniss understood him. 

Deniss looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. It’s five to ten now. “Is there any way to escape from this room?” He walked to the large window and tried to knock on it. “Wait, it’s not normal glass.”

“No, I’m afraid.” Stephane stood next to Deniss, “It really looks like a screen. I’ve checked the door as well, not even locked, but more like sealed.”

“Sealed?” Deniss looked back at the seemingly innocent door, “So there’s no way to pick the lock?” Actually he knew that they probably wouldn’t do it. They had no idea where they were or what was there outside the door, it doesn’t make sense to make such an attempt. “So we’re stuck here.”

“There’s some more bad news, but I think I should tell you.” Stephane lifted his right wrist, “I activated the chip, but no response was received up to now.”

Deniss’s eyes widened. Of course he knew this built-in chip, which saved him in his first independent mission. “It’s not working?”

“No.” Stephane confirmed, “It happened before, once. Maybe a signal blockage.”

Deniss pressed a palm to the ‘window’, or screen, to support himself. “Which means…the only thing we could do now is to participate in this weird ‘study’?”

Stephane didn’t answer him, but Deniss knew it. A sound close to a bell chime rang in their room, and a small window in front of the desk opened. Deniss quickly moved, hoping to have a glance at the opened window, but it closed before he could see anything. Another piece of paper was pushed onto the desk via the window.

“Day 1.” Deniss picked it up and read, “Choose one of the following. Either: Participant A performs a venipuncture on Participant B to collect four hundred milliliters of venous blood. Or: Participant B performs a semen sample collection on Participant A…?” Deniss looked up, confused and a little bit frustrated. “What is this?”

“They said we’ll be labeled as A and B.” Stephane was standing very close to him, reading the text. He tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear, “Is there a second page saying this?”

Deniss turned the page. There are two passport-like photos of them. “You’re A.” He put the thin piece of paper down, “But really, what is this study?” Although his instinct was already telling him it wouldn’t be any kind of normal or easy tasks, giving that they were almost kidnapped as two experienced intelligence officers.

“Deniss.” Stephane could feel the other person’s frustration. He took Deniss’s wrist, “Just a moment.”

Deniss squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths. “I’m fine with the first option.” It should be alright. It’s just a regular blood donation. The second option just sounds morally wrong.

“Before we decide on anything,” Stephane looked into Deniss’s eyes, “Can we start with some general things?”

Deniss nodded. “I reckon the best strategy now is just to cooperate and complete whatever the task is? And hopefully the…researchers-I really don’t want to use that term, they don’t deserve it-keep to their words.”

“That’s what I think.” Stephane nodded, “And what I’ll suggest is, think through the two options everyday and discuss which one has the less impact on both of us, physically and psychologically. Deniss,” His mentor took his hand and gentle laced their fingers together, “Think this as a mission, as a professional incident.”

Deniss nodded. “But I…have one thing to ask from you.” He swallowed, “As your…can I say co-operator?”

“Yes.” Stephane nodded, “What is it?”

“I think…we need to be honest, as much as possible. Of course if it’s immensely uncomfortable it’s fine…but as the instruction said, it’s a behavioral and psychological experiment. We need to communicate.”

“Sure.” Stephane smiled, “I agree. It helps us to make informed decisions.”

Deniss immediately felt calmer upon seeing that smile. “So…back to today.” He cleared his throat, “I can do the first option, if you still remember how to do a venepuncture.” They’ve been trained in these basic skills before becoming a qualified operational agent, but of course, Stephane had retired from field operations for some years.

“I’ve not done it for years, but I think…I remember.” Stephane confirmed, “but I don’t think it’s the best choice. we need as much physical strength as possible in case anything unexpected-a nasty task or some other random things-because the perverts have no ethics. The second option, as a matter of fact, is better.”

He immediately supplemented, “although if you think it’s for any reason unacceptable, I would not force you to do it.”

Deniss kind of felt like laughing when Stephane called those people ‘perverts with no ethics’. What Stephane said is true, but he couldn’t bring himself to only think about physical complications. “You…”He hesitated and tried to word it in a way that wouldn’t sound pitiful, “Will you be alright with that, after what happened before?” 

To his surprise, Stephane smiled warmly. “Two years ago it was merely a form of torture, and I trust that you’re not going to do this with such a mindset; unless it’s emotionally necessary to do so.”

Deniss almost shivered. He wasn’t sure what Stephane meant by ‘emotionally necessary’, but based on their topic, it couldn’t be anything very pleasant. He chose not to think about it right now. “That’s fine with me,” He murmured, “but how are we going to choose? Do you think they can hear us speaking here?”

“Maybe.” Stephane looked around to find the first information sheet on the bed and read it again, “Choices should be indicated using the bedside panel.”

“This?” Deniss knelt next to the nightstand. It looked like a regular lighting or AC control panel in a hotel room, but instead of temperature or brightness, the two buttons are labeled as ‘Either’ and ‘Or’.

Stephane moved closer. “I’ll say so.” He turned to look at Deniss, “So, second option?”

Deniss bit his lower lip, and pressed on ‘Or’.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Handjob

They waited in the room, and nothing happened in the next five minutes. “Are we supposed to…just do it?” Deniss pushed his hair back and let them fall down to half-covered his eyes again, “Or are we supposed to find something in the room?”

The small ‘window’ at the desk made a screeching noise, and the ‘window pane’ turned around. This time it worked like a turnstile and a small tray was now sitting on the desk. Deniss looked towards it, and walked to take the tray to the coffee table by the ‘window’

“…That is very considerate of them.” Deniss commented as he saw the package of sterile examination gloves. Besides gloves, there were also a clear plastic sample tube and another instruction sheet. Deniss felt some heat on his cheeks as he glanced at the graphic-thank god, not photographic-instruction sheet, “Seriously? If we have chosen the other option, are they planning to give a complete tutorial on venepuncture?” He tried to say something to lighten the mood in the room, but it apparently didn’t work. _We are doing this_ , he thought, _how am I going to do this?_

To be fair, it wasn’t that Deniss really hated body contact that much. He normally preferred a simple handshake with strangers, but he didn’t mind hugs and bises with the people that he was close to. Nor was he uncomfortable with another man. He found himself in a ‘blurry zone’ when it came to sexuality, probably because of how he was born, or maybe due to his profession. They were right in his first independent mission. This is a cursed profession.

Not to mention that he’s with Stéphane right now. Everyone in their Intelligence Service, including some international liaison officers from other countries, can’t deny that Stéphane is attractive. Deniss peeked at his former mentor, attempted to do it without turning his head. Sure, they were very close and there was a strong bond between them; but that was the exact reason that it felt so difficult. He didn’t want to blow it up. He didn’t want to say or do something that could make it awkward between them.

“Deniss?” Stéphane called him again, “Deniss?”

“Um, yes, Stéph?” Deniss was almost on the point of hiding the sheet behind him, but stopped himself from doing so once he remembered they chose this together.

“I was just wondering if Medusa’s power was on that sheet.” Stéphane curled his lips upon seeing Deniss’s heavy blush, “Any plans?”

“Plan?” Deniss repeated, “You mean…?”

“I mean, when do you feel comfortable to do this? According to the initial introduction sheet, we have until midnight.”

Deniss showed his signature ‘what should I say’ face. He wanted to say anytime is fine for him, but at the same time, anytime didn’t feel completely fine. If they do this now, he might have to bury himself into the blanket out of embarrassment for the rest of the day. Surely they could also do it before bed, but he would be thinking about this for the rest of the day.

“…In the evening?” He finally made a decision. “This is…to bright, and too day-time like.” He murmured to himself, attempting to justify his choice. “If it’s alright for you?” No, he told himself, think this as a professional incident. That’s the best choice you can make now. Forget your little secrets.

Stéphane nodded. “It’s alright. But what do you want to do…let’s say, before dinner time? Hopefully we’ll still have some sort of lunch or dinner for our first day?”

Deniss looked around. There’s no books, no electronic devices, not even a TV. He doubted if boredom is a part of this study. “How about stories? Just those we can tell?” If they are ‘monitored’, although he didn’t know whether their conversations would be recorded, it’s better to be safe. Although they can always communicate by tapping codes, it’s never the best way to tell a story.

“Second.” Stéphane whistled, “I can start today. What do you want to hear?”

Deniss rested his elbows on his knees. “From the very beginning, how did you end up in the Service?”

Stories could go on and on. Deniss almost forgot where they were and what they were supposed to do in the afternoon, as the sun gradually set from the horizon, albeit he knew it wasn’t real by any means. They didn’t even know the actual time.

But they still had to do it, after finishing everything they could think of.

“Shall we…?” Deniss drew the curtains close, despite knowing that there must be a camera somewhere in their room. He placed that small metal tray on the bed, and tore the plastic bag open to take the pair of gloves. Not that it was absolutely necessary, but if it was provided, he didn’t see a reason not to use it.

Stéphane was sitting on the bed, looking pretty relaxed. _Okay,_ Deniss told himself, _you’re trained. Don’t think too much. It’s fine._

They didn’t really speak anything after Deniss put the pair of gloves on. It didn’t fit well, and was a little bit tight for him. It didn’t even cover his wrists.

Stéphane was holding the sample tube. Deniss inhaled sharply and chose just to think about what he needed to do. It wasn’t that he had never done it, as every adult man, even adolescent boy knew this, either with proper sexuality education, or with hearsay and some sort of instinct.

Just before Deniss touched the other man, he suddenly thought of something and ran into the bathroom after hesitating for a moment. He turned the water on, and placed a gloved hand under warm running water. They didn’t have any form of lubricant. Although water never works well, it’s better than nothing.

He suspected that he saw a smile when he came back, but didn’t let himself to think further. There was no point procrastinating anymore, and it would be better to just get it done with.

He could only see a very small part of Stéphane’s body, far less than what he saw a couple years ago when he was performing a first-aid with Koshiro. But everything now was screaming a sense of intimacy, which he knew wasn’t, and shouldn’t be there between them. He wrapped a hand around the other man’s penis, working it up and down for a couple of times and felt it responding to his touch. Maybe he should just check how it’s going. Maybe he should not.

Deniss chose not to after thinking for a moment, while his hand was still working on the other person’s body. It didn’t feel normal at all, even after trying to persuade himself that it was a professional incident. He was trained to, and he could, be as emotionally detached as possible with any normal target. He had seduced a female target half a year ago and made her an informer. But how is he supposed to detach himself from someone he knew and adored?

Deniss looked away until what he was working on became out of sight, and he realized that he was staring at the V-line on the other person, even though just a little bit was in sight. Most part was still covered under Stéphane’s clothes, but his brain was attempting to complete the picture. That was simply frustrating.

In the end, Deniss had to focus his gaze on a particular fold on Stéphane’s lounge pants. Both of them was quite surprised to find some change of clothes in the closet, including T-shirts, jeans and even a few sets of nightwear. They were fresh and soft, but it didn’t change the fact that they were in captivity.

Deniss didn’t keep track of time, and he had no idea how long it took. He could feel his grip became more slippery as time goes, and was somehow grateful that he had the glove on. There wasn’t really much muscle fatigue on his side, as he managed to pivot his elbow on Stéphane’s lap and had opted for a sufficiently comfortable position to start with. He heard the sample tube being screwed open, together with the other person’s breaths, heavier than usual but still very much controlled. He knew the tube was put into place, and he pumped a little bit faster, without looking anywhere else. To be honest, distracting himself by thinking random facts and his potted plants at home did actually help.

Deniss released his grip and helped Stéphane to hold the sample tube, of course with the other dry and clean hand. When he finally gathered some courage to look up, he saw something which his brain would never be able to come up with.

Stéphane’s head was bowed, his eyes squeezed shut and lips pressed tightly together. A few strands of hair casted a labyrinth of shadow onto his forehead, and his breaths was so shaky that Deniss almost thought he was in pain. He was stunned, and everything around him stopped to make sense.

“…So that is considered complete?” Deniss was finally back to reality when Stéphane opened his eyes again and capped the sample tube. He quickly looked down again, hoping the other person didn’t see him staring at his face. He removed the pair of gloves to keep himself occupied.

“I suppose so?” He took the bottle and placed everything back into the tray, and handed the box of tissue papers to Stéphane before placing the tray on the turnstile in front of the desk. The cloudy liquid still made him blush a little, but at least it was done.

“I might need a shower before bed, but if you need the bathroom-”

Deniss instinctively looked down onto his groin, and was sort of relieved when he saw there’s nothing to be concerned with. A moment later, he felt even more heat at the back of his ears when he understood Stéphane actually meant if he wanted to wash his hands.

“Just…just a moment.” He almost ran into the bathroom, and looked at himself in the mirror. _Stop thinking about it,_ he told himself, _you can do better than this._

He couldn’t bring himself to sleep an hour later. Maybe he could blame it on the lighting in their bedroom, as they couldn’t find a switch to turn the lights off. But really, he knew there are other reasons. As a trained operational agent, he should be able to sleep under any conditions. At least he had a soft bed and quiet room now.

“Deniss?” Stéphane said softly, “Are you alright?”

Deniss shivered upon hearing that voice. “I guess, just need to get used to the lighting.” He whispered, “Don’t worry.”

He felt the weight beside him shift, and Stéphane moved closer to place a palm on his eyes. “I don’t know how much it’ll help,” He heard the gentle voice saying, “but hopefully it helps a little.”

Deniss turned stiff for a moment, but eventually relaxed under the warmth on his eyes and forehead. Strange enough, a tiny bit of sense of security came back to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Unprotected Oral Sex/Ring Gag/Mild Bondage  
> Another chapter of shameless smut. It's again not proofread because I don't know how I could read this again lol

Deniss woke up in supposedly daylight. He knew that at some point of time last night, the lights were turned off in their room, and now some light peeked through the slit between the curtains.

“Good morning.” Stéphane was already up, sitting at the coffee table by the window. “Slept well?”

Deniss rubbed his eyes. The same smile, the same gentle voice. He stretched and was surprised that he had accepted the situation they were in in such a short time. “It was alright,” he yawned, “I hope it was considered completed yesterday.”

“It was.” Stéphane picked up a piece of paper from the table, “Although I don’t know their rational of giving us all these paperwork.”

Deniss walked closer and glanced at the document. “Which means, hopefully we’ll get something to eat today?”

“There’s tea and pastries on the desk.” Stéphane pointed to the little window, “Hopefully so.”

Deniss tried to get himself more awake for a couple of seconds, and decided to just have a quick wash up first. Standing in front of the mirror again, he couldn’t help but to think about what would be happening today. He could almost vividly remember Stéphane’s shaky breaths last night, and he knew the psychological impacts had started to surface. He grumbled in frustration while wiping his face with a soft towel.

They received the task sheet at ten o’clock sharp-at least was indicated on the digital clock. Deniss frowned upon reading it. “A cut, or an oral sex?” He couldn’t say that he didn’t expect the tasks were becoming nastier, but he wasn’t fully prepared for it.

Stéphane didn’t say anything. Deniss quickly thought through some possible factors and consequences.

If yesterday’s second choice could still be categorized as a marginal sexual activity, today’s choice was full-on. He was still thinking about the fact that Stéphane was married, and used to be his mentor. And he didn’t know if anything along these lines would be acceptable for the other party.

On the other hand, a cut, especially an untreated cut, will surely lead to pain, blood loss, and worse, infection. He doubted if relevant medical supplies will be provided.

“Deniss? Thoughts?” Stéphane asked him, placing the sheet back onto the desk. “Both options are not unacceptable to me.”

Deniss swallowed. He didn’t want to sound as if he’s pushing for something. “I think it’s similar enough to yesterday. I don’t think a cut will be the end of the world, but also, although I’m not against the second option, I don’t know if what mental complication it will bring.”

Stéphane nodded pensively. “Okay, what do you feel after yesterday?”

Deniss wanted to strangle himself, but he remembered that they had promised to be honest. “It definitely wasn’t anything comfortable, but it’s not driving me mad either.” That’s the simplest explanation he could give.

“If you’re fine with it, I’ll say, avoid open wounds.” Stéphane stated plainly, “With limited supplies, infection is one of the complications that we don’t want to deal with.”

Deniss was relieved for not having to push for a particular choice, but felt bad at the same time for not having the courage to do so.

He pressed on ‘Or’ for the second time in their captivity, but received some unexpected item on the tray a couple of minutes later.

“What the hell is this?” Deniss was almost fuming with anger after reading the instruction sheet, “That was not on the first sheet?”

Stéphane patted the young man’s shoulder, attempting to calm him down. “Unethical things.” He rubbed Deniss’s blond hair, “At least they are still relatively harmless.”

“Harmless?” Deniss almost crumpled the piece of paper, “But that is-” Humiliating and degrading, he thought but forced himself to swallow the words. He did not expect a ring gag and a pair of handcuffs.

“That wasn’t anything I was expecting,” Stéphane sighed, “but firstly, we’ve made the choice. Secondly, if the second option came like this, I’m not sure the first option will be anywhere better. It may very well not be a normal cut.”

Deniss breathed out heavily and calmed down a little. Stéphane was right. They might require a deep cut, or at a place where can hamper further movements. At least this sounds physically harmless.

“Sorry.” Deniss supported his forehead with a fist, “I just…I was a little bit shocked to see that.”

Stéphane squeezed the young man’s hand, until he finally sat up again. “Story time?” Deniss tried to put up a smile and forget the tray for now, “Is it my turn today?”

Deniss confessed his motives and his personal statement when applying for the Service Training Camp in the afternoon. “Actually I’ve read them,” Stéphane commented, “But I didn’t know it was me all the way from the beginning.”

Deniss looked away to hide his blush. “But I didn’t even know you and him are the same person. I had a feeling that you’re not what your records say, but it took me some time to accept the fact.”

“We all put on layers of camouflage.” Stéphane said, “Essential for survival.”

Deniss lifted his gaze, hoping to decipher if Stéphane meant something else. “No, don’t think too much.” Stéphane smiled, “I’m not hiding stuff from you now.” Deniss nodded, and persuaded himself to believe it.

They couldn’t escape from that dreadful tray. When Deniss stepped out of the shower, he knew that they had to do it, no matter how terrible it sounds. _Maybe it won’t be as bad as I thought,_ he tried to cheer himself up a little bit, but another voice quickly overpowered this. _Of course it won’t be as bad as you thought for you, the voice said, in the end of the day you’re not the one to take everything._

But take a shower before this is the very basic gesture of courtesy he could show, not that he knew anything else. There wasn’t an accepted etiquette for this, but again, how many people will encounter this in their lives?

He almost brought his palm to cover his face when he saw Stéphane reading the instruction sheet. It’s simply another level of awkwardness, although they’re doing it anyway.

“Um, Stéph?” Deniss kept his voice as flat as possible, “That…”

“A very…” Stéphane looked up at the blond young man, “interestingly-written instruction. I can’t believe that they’re numbering each step.”

“Standardization of procedure,” Deniss grumbled, “now I do feel like being treated as models. I mean, animal models.”

“Ready to start and get it done? Don’t worry if you need more time, we still have time anyway.” Deniss glanced at the digital clock. It’s just close to half past nine.

“No, it’s fine…just do this.” Deniss placed the instruction sheet on the bed, “but how are we…?”

Stéphane read the first few lines again. “You can sit like this, or you can stand. I’ll have to kneel on the floor anyway, as I don’t think it will work well if I were to kneel on the bed with my hands tied to the back.”

Deniss didn’t know how Stéphane managed to discuss this with his calm and professional tone, but that’s what they needed right now. “Will kneeling up, which means me standing, put too much pressure on your knees?” He still remembered the recurring injury on Stéphane’s knees, and those heating packs which were smuggled by Satoko to their headquarter each winter.

“With some padding, it shouldn’t be of too much concern. But the other way might be easier for both of us.” Stéphane answered with the same tone, and Deniss silently cheered himself for a moment. Good job in the analysis to minimize negative impacts.

It proceeded per the instruction, while Deniss made a mental note to tear it down to pieces after finishing the task. He really needed to do this to express his anger. He heard the pair of handcuffs clicking to lock Stéphane’s wrists behind his back, and very carefully placed the ring gag into the other man’s mouth, and adjusted the strap to make sure it fits and it would not trap any strands of hair and pull on them afterwards. He tried very hard to forget who the person in front of him is, as he wasn’t sure he’ll be able to do it at all otherwise.

Deniss didn’t forget to throw a pillow on the floor before Stéphane knelt down in front of him. He looked straight to the front and stared at a particular flower pattern on the curtains, and pulled his lounge pants down. He felt some soft hair brushing against his inner thigh, and moist warm breaths at his crotch.

He pressed both palms onto the mattress to support himself, but really didn’t know what to do now. He wasn’t completely inexperienced at sex, but this was something totally different. His mind went blank as he felt the heat around his erection, knowing that it was the other man’s mouth. _But wait,_ he looked up at the white ceiling, _when did I get hard?_

Miraculously, some logic and reason came back to him after a while. He slipped both hands under Stéphane’s chin, hoping to give him some support and to make it easier, and immediately felt a sticky wetness there.

Is he crying? Deniss pushed Stéphane slight away from him as gently as possible, and was again lost in words upon seeing his face.

Stéphane wasn’t crying. He lifted his head slightly as if he wished to ask Deniss what was wrong, and his brown eyes were still calm and clear. That wetness was a mixture of saliva and pre-come, slippery and glistening under the yellow light.

“Just wanted to check if you’re alright,” Deniss sighed, “I’ll try to…make it as quickly as possible.” Of course he knew it’s not anything that he had absolute control of, but saying that hopefully can make both of them feel better.

Deniss could swear he saw some laugh lines at the corner of the other man’s eyes, before he leaned closer and resumed their task. All Deniss can see now is again the soft hair and a glimpse of his nose tip.

He came quite unexpectedly, wiping his mind totally blank again. Not that he was focusing on anything during the whole process. He felt Stéphane moving a little bit, before he quickly released his grip on the other person.

The only thing he could think of was grabbing a handful of tissue paper from the night stand and placing it under Stéphane’s chin, totally forgetting that there’s no way for anyone to swallow or spit out anything with a gag on. Only a few minutes later, did he finally remembered to unfasten the strap and finally removing it. He wanted to throw it as far as possible, but didn’t want to stain the room with anything. He had to contain his anger and place it back into the tray.

Stéphane stood up to let Deniss unlock the handcuffs. Deniss cursed softly between his teeth upon seeing the red mark on Stéphane’s slender wrist, despite knowing that it would fade away in a couple of hours.

“Do you want to…maybe, use the bathroom?” Deniss spoke after a moment of awkward silence, “At least, second day is done.”

Stéphane nodded with a tiny smile. Deniss didn’t know how he could still smile after this. He replaced everything back into the tray, placed it in front of the ‘delivery window’ on the desk, and went back to the bed, trying to calm himself down. He needed some time to process.

“Deniss?” Stéphane came back a minute later. Deniss looked up at him, and he almost believed that nothing happened fifteen minutes ago, if not for the strap marks running from the corner of his mouth all the way to the back of his ears.

“Deniss.” Stéphane’s normal voice is back, and he sat down next to Deniss. “Are you alright?”

Deniss took a deep breath. “Yes, I guess, just need some time to make everything make sense.”

Stéphane looked into the young man’s eyes. “If saying something aloud will make you feel better, I’m here to listen.”

Deniss forced a smile, “I just need to…get it, um…I just have a lot of random thoughts right now.”

Stéphane leaned closer and pulled Deniss into an embrace. “You don’t have to make it a speech. Anything, any fragments of thoughts, as long as you feel comfortable articulating them.”

Surprisingly, Deniss felt that it was easier to speak in this way. He didn’t have to look at Stéphane straight in the face, but he knew Stéphane was there.

“I don’t know what I should feel and what it the right thing to think about right now.” Deniss whispered, “You’re married.” He let himself relax a little bit into the embrace, “I was thinking, it must be very humiliating for you? Was it uncomfortable…Wait,” He let out a low scoff, “What am I thinking? It must be. It must be.” He murmured, “I don’t know if we made the right choice to go for this one.” He hesitantly lifted his arms to return the hug, “Will the first option be better?”

Stéphane didn’t answer his question. “Deniss,” He said softly after a minute of silence, and Deniss didn’t find that minute as awkward as before. “I’m fine. There’s no harm done at all.”

Deniss rested his chin on Stéphane’s shoulder, “But-”

Stéphane patted Deniss’s upper back, trying to comfort him. “Stéph,” Deniss finally asked, feeling everything start to settle down a bit, “What were you thinking? Or, what are you thinking right now?”

“I wasn’t thinking of anything before.” Stéphane answered, “That’s what my training told me, and I found it work well for me. As for now, I…”He paused for a while, “To be honest, I was just thinking of how I should respond to your thoughts.”

Deniss closed his eyes. Yes, training. He knew Stéphane had taken a special course before he left for Project Geneva many years ago, which was basically about how to deal with interrogations and tortures. “Stéph,” He whispered, almost had no courage to ask this question, “Was I torturing you just now?” He could guess what the other man would say, but he desperately needed some reassurance, and he felt the embrace becoming even tighter than before.

“No.” Stéphane answered firmly, “No, Deniss. Don’t fall for it. You’re not. They’re doing it to both of us, and we’re in this together. I know it’s equally hard, if not harder, for you.”

Deniss finally breathed a sigh of relief. “Are you really alright?” He asked, “You knees, or…I don’t know, anything else?”

Stéphane released his former student from the embrace and gave him a genuine smile. “I am. Maybe a little bit sore on both cheeks, but nothing to be concerned with.”

Deniss blinked his eyes, and pressed the base of his palm onto Stéphane’s cheeks to massage them. “At least I can do something.” He said, and found himself in the other man’s brown eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deniss started to notice something unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Blindfold/Gag/Bondage/Clamps

On the third day, they received a two-page document at 10 o’clock sharp. Stéphane brought them to the coffee table, and Deniss looked rather unsettled after reading them.

“They’re almost as detailed, descriptive and graphic as the instruction sheets from last two days after we’ve made the choice.” Deniss supported his face with a palm, leaning to the screen displaying a lawn and a house to the far end, “Are they giving us the wrong document?”

Stéphane didn’t bother to read them again. “Probably not. The way of…hmm, I’d say, the amount of information given prior to making a choice is different. I can’t say for sure, but it can be a part of their study.”

Deniss tapped his fingers on the table, and to be honest, it didn’t sound unreasonable, especially after yesterday’s surprise. “I don’t really want to know what they’ll be doing tomorrow.”

The tasks are getting stranger day by day, and by a normal person’s standard, less and less acceptable. “Stéph?” Deniss placed two instruction sheets side by side, “What are we doing today?” Actually, by their previously agreed principles, the choice was obvious. But Deniss still didn’t want to point it out, especially after what they’ve decided on in the past days.

“I’m not piercing your hand, dominant or not, with a nail.” Stéphane took one of the sheets and placed it on the floor, “Even if you’ve have had a tetanus jab.”

“Alright…”Deniss moved his gaze to the sheet left on the coffee table. He knew they would be very unlikely to go with the first choice, as it impedes further movement and brings a very high risk of infection. “Stéph?” He interlaced his fingers and rested his elbows on the coffee table, “Do you have the feeling that they’re pushing us to the second choice?”

Stéphane pondered for a while and nodded. “I do feel that the two choices are far from equal, especially looking from immediate physical damage.”

Deniss looked back to the graphic illustrations on the page. “I don’t quite understand the motive. Are they doing it because of stigma of sex between men? Dignity or blood?” They were given a very explicit diagram of bondage tutorial on the page, and Deniss wasn’t sure whether he would even think about it should they were not in this situation.

“I would not assume all their so-called participants, or maybe ‘hostages’ is the better word, are pairs of male. But your hypothesis is not unreasonable.”

Deniss hissed. “God, I didn’t even think about this.” He turned to look through the window, actually just a screen, “Can we smash this place later?” Now he couldn’t keep his mind away from the idea that there could well be more people trapped in this place. He found it difficult enough even as a trained agent, and he couldn’t imagine how it would turn out for normal people.

Stéphane leaned in closer to take Deniss’s hand. “We’ll do it after we leave.” Or maybe they’ll find us first, Deniss thought. He had learnt never to underestimate their headquarter, especially the communication and information departments who always work wonders. But neither is he counting on a rescue. They’re not desperate yet.

Deniss walked to the control panel and pressed “Or”, the third time during their stay here. The supplies were sent to them a couple of minutes later via the same window, and Deniss didn’t even want to look at them. He’ll think about them in the evening.

They spent the afternoon talking about Stéphane’s days in training, before he took a special qualification and was sent away under Project Geneva. “Wait,” Deniss interrupted, “So all those ‘absent’ on your training records are not true? I mean, of course they’re kind of true because you’re not there, but it wasn’t like you’re skipping sessions?”

“No.” Stéphane confirmed, “I left training course early and basically did specialized course for one and half a year. I think they qualified me without a proper exam, and when the system says that there must be a grade before they can move me across two data bases, they just typed a random number into it. I suspect some supervisor knew that what I was doing and ticked me off, but those who didn’t know marked me as absent.”

“I’m gaining back confidence in the rigor of our training course once again.” Deniss let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, “To be very honest, I didn’t know why I was assigned such a mentor after passing my transfer of status exams.”

“And you seem to share the same uncertainty and luck as me.” Stéphane laughed, “Getting into troubles but somehow made it through.”

“Hopefully this time as well,” Deniss murmured, “I don’t want to choose between-never mind.” He cut himself short, “I don’t want to jinx it.”

Stéphane kept silence for a moment. “If you want to smash this place,” He said, casting his gaze onto the sunset scene on their screen, “You need to walk out alive.”

Something started to weigh heavily on Deniss’s mind. He didn’t really think about this since he woke up in this unfamiliar room. But to be fair, he could have not survived up to now. He could have gone missing in his first independent mission, if not for Stéphane’s chip which allowed the headquarters to track them down and rescue them. He could have been shot a couple of months ago if he had reacted late for a fraction of second.

“And you need to, as well.” Deniss tried to wave those dreaded thoughts away, “One thing I have to say, I think the catering is at least decent here, although it’s in no way creative.”

“Hmm.” Stéphane was still staring at the screen, now the sun was completely down, leaving only a hue of orange sky, “We could add your culinary commentary into our daily routine as well.”

Deniss had never done any similar things before, nor did he expect himself to have done any. It is the first time that he actually needed to place the instruction sheet on the bed and follow it step-by-step, reading as he went. The instruction was actually written in a neutral and almost clinical tone, but Deniss knew what the end result would look like, which was why he couldn’t treat it as he probably should be.

The blindfold went on first as per the instruction, before Deniss helped Stéphane with removing all his clothes. _Perverts_ , he cursed silently. He had done the same thing a couple of years ago when he had to undress Stéphane to examine and tend to his injuries, but this time he was doing it to inflict. Maybe not anything as serious as before, but he was doing something not to help.

After placing the ball gag on, Deniss supported Stéphane’s upper back with an arm and lowered him down onto the mattress. He then took the ropes and started to wrap them around Stéphane’s wrist, one at a time.

He told himself to just focus on the ropes. It wasn’t smooth at all, and he knew there would be some chafing later, especially combined with his clumsiness. But he couldn’t ignore the wrist in his hand, almost fragile and delicate. He was alarmed almost immediately. He had never thought about using these words to describe his former mentor, even when he saw the blood-stained shirt two years ago.

_This is starting to mess with my mind._ He bit his lips, and had to close his eyes for a moment to calm down.

It took him almost half an hour to finish ropework on Stéphane’s wrists and ankles, and tie him to the bed in a spread-eagle manner. Stéphane didn’t give him much response, but he was pretty certain that he checked the tightness of the ropes to avoid cutting circulation. It wasn’t mentioned anywhere in the instruction, but he knew how to apply his first-aid knowledge to this.

“Stéph,” Deniss picked up the clamps with a sense of resignation, “I’m doing the clamps.”

He might heard a very muffled hum, as he doubt anything else in the room would make such a sound. A gentle pinch, and the clamp went on. Deniss felt the warm body squirm a little bit, and he could almost imagine Stéphane frowning because of the discomfort. But of course he couldn’t see it. Stéphane’s expressive eyes, together with his brows and almost a half of his forehead, were covered by the black blindfold.

They just had to wait for fifteen minutes now. Deniss thought it would be easier compared to last two days when he had to do something, but soon realized waiting is much harder than he expected. The time seemed to slow down, and each minute feels at least five times longer. He wasn’t sure what he should do once again.

It didn’t seem right to be looking at Stéphane in his current state. But at the same time, Stéphane almost couldn’t move or speak, and it must feel extremely insecure, exposed and vulnerable.

Deniss made up his mind and turned towards Stéphane, and he was once again stunned upon seeing the full body instead of the area that he was working on a while ago. He knew Stéphane is fit, but he never thought about describing his mentor’s body as beautiful. Not the person, but the body, the lines of his muscles and some bones under a thin layer of skin.

_Stop it_ , Deniss warned himself. He took Stéphane’s hand which was tied to one corner of the bed, and laced their fingers together. He had no idea how much it would help, but even a tiny bit might help.

Deniss kept looking back at the clock on the wall. He waited until the sixteenth minute after he completed everything as required by the sheet, and started to release Stéphane from the restrains.

The first thing he did was to remove the blindfold. Stéphane blinked his eyes a few times to get used to the light, while Deniss unbuckled the ball gag. He had no idea why those people are so obsessed with gags.

“Deniss?” Stéphane noticed his former student’s unusual stern expression, “Anything wrong?”

Deniss had to use his nails to untie the ropes. “No.” He didn’t dare to look at Stéphane’s eyes and had to pretend to focus on the knots, “It’s just frustrating that I can’t use a scissor.”

He lied. He didn’t know if Stéphane would be able to tell, but he was seriously thinking about those ideas, words and descriptions which shouldn’t come to his mind. He wasn’t ready to face them. He also couldn’t help but to notice the light red marks under the ropes and the tiny bit of swell after the clamps are removed, but he didn’t know if he should react at all. He knew both of them are much stronger than that, but it wouldn’t be a valid excuse to ignore them.

Stéphane picked up his night clothes to put them back on. “More than a quarter way there.” He smiled to Deniss.

Deniss finally managed to pack all his random thoughts away. “Shall we high-five for survival up to this point?”

Stéphane laughed and touched Deniss’s palm. “Time for bed, mon cheri.”

Deniss quivered at how Stéphane address him. _No,_ a voice said inside him, _that’s how St_ _éphane address a close friend._

He chose to say nothing and to climb under the sheets.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deniss isn't good at keeping secrets. Not with Stéphane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Anal fingering/Dildo/Coming Untouched/Masturbation  
> Again not proofread, I'm seriously starting to regret writing this lol

Deniss didn’t sleep well at night. It was just past six on the clock when he woke up, and he very carefully turned to look at the other side of the bed. Stéphane was still asleep, head turned slightly away from him. The light red marks at the corners of his mouth had faded away, leaving no signs of what happened last night.

Deniss had to stop him from thinking about last night, but the images kept coming back to him. Stéphane bound to the bed, still incredibly beautiful but so vulnerable. The ropes wrapping around his bony wrists and ankles, leaving some red marks on them. Their interlaced fingers.

“Deniss?”

He felt the weight next to him shifting a little, and Stéphane waved a palm in front of his eyes. “Deniss? Good morning?”

“Oh, yeah, good morning.” Deniss squeezed his eyes close and open, “I was just…”

“Meditating?” Stéphane sat up on the bed and lifted a corner of the curtain, “It’s a beautiful day, at least on the screen.”

Deniss laughed and felt things ease down a little bit. Stéphane still seemed to be pretty normal, on their fourth day here.

Their fourth day. Deniss had to remind himself that they’re still in this weird experiment, and they would still have to make seven choices. Based on how things went up to now, he suspect the study would still be trying to push them to do something sex-related. Blood or sex. And he wasn’t sure if he could keep it professional, especially after yesterday.

Deniss still suspected that someone had given them the wrong piece of paper. It was almost identical to one of yesterday’s, with a full illustrated instruction on how to pierce a hand with a nail, avoiding bones and important nerves. He picked up the sheet left on the floor yesterday, and yes, they were identical apart from the very last line on today’s paper, giving them the second choice.

“I’m not sure what they’re aiming at right now. One choice is the same as yesterday’s, and the other was so short and a one-liner?” Deniss flipped both pages to and fro, “If this is also a part of their study…” He looked up at Stéphane, “Yes, it can be a part of the study. Choosing between something clearly high-risk and harmful, and something unclear.”

“What does the second choice say again?” Stéphane leaned in to read it once again, “Hmm. I’d still say I prefer not to pierce your hand.”

Deniss dropped his head to consider it once again. The first choice would be bad, as Deniss knew he wouldn’t want an injured hand which could severely hamper everything; but it wasn’t clear how the second one would go. The detailed sheet they receive later could still be a nightmare, not that it sounds alright as an one-liner. He expected the tasks would become less acceptable, but the decisions were actually becoming harder and harder.

“Will the second option be alright for you?” Deniss asked, “I mean, of course, by no means ‘alright’.”

“It seemed to be more acceptable to me than the first one.” Stéphane said, “There’s a possibility of it turning out to be terrible, but at the same time, it could also be relatively harmless, at least on the physical side.”

Deniss nodded. “So, second choice.” He pushed the piece of paper away, and pressed the same button again. He secretly wished their afternoon story session could go on forever, or maybe he could spend more time just talking and commenting on the food they’ve been provided. A hint of honey or any type of syrup could make the dressing less acidic. The pastry could have used less butter and icing. The salmon chunks were slightly overcooked.

But the night came as it was scheduled to be. Deniss had been keeping track on the clock, and the sun had been disappearing at thirteen past six sharp every day, and it would be completely dark outside by seven.

They were provided with a small bottle of personal lubricant, a disposable sheet and a dildo. Deniss sighed and poked the black cylindrical silicone object, “I don’t know if I should feel relieved that it doesn’t look ridiculous, and I hope they’ve cleaned it properly.”

Stéphane just finished placing the disposable sheet on the bed, pushing the blanket to one side. “It could be worse.” He started to remove his nightclothes, and Deniss noticed a small patch of abrasion on Stéphane’s left ankle. Oh well.

“Deniss, do you have the instruction sheet?” Stéphane asked him, kneeling up on the bed. Deniss found it behind him and passed it to the other man. This is too graphic, he thought.

Stéphane turned around and lowered his upper body down to the mattress, legs shoulder width apart. Deniss looked down onto the sheet, and opened the small bottle.

He hadn’t been involved in any sex with men, but he knew how it should work. Maybe it wasn’t appropriate to say that it was common sense for everyone, but it certainly was for these intelligence officers. Sex had been, and continues to be, one of the handy things in their toolbox.

Deniss coated his fingers with the slick and cold liquid, and pressed a fingertip onto Stéphane’s entrance. He could hear the other person’s long and deep breaths, and with a little more pressure, he managed to slid a finger into Stéphane’s body.

He knew they should have sufficient time, and he didn’t want to rush it. He didn’t want to make it painful, or worse, to make a tear or anything. He went very slowly, a knuckle at a time, as slow as he can be. But it felt so long, as a warm tightness start to encircle his finger. He gently moved the finger around and in and out for a few times, before attempting to press the second finger in. He tried to scissor them gently, feeling the ring of muscle constricting his two fingers together gradually relax and give some more leeway.

The third finger in, and Deniss knew it should be more or less sufficient. He could see the tight entrance being worked open, and the sheen of wetness around it and on his own fingers. He had to take a deep breath.

“I’m…”Deniss said as he removed his fingers, “putting it in?”

Stéphane nodded, at least that’s what Deniss would have interpreted. He poured some liquid into his palm and slicked the toy with it, before pressing its tip onto Stéphane’s entrance, now hopefully relaxed to take this.

He tried to push it in, but very quickly realized it doesn’t feel smooth enough. He tried to add more lubricant to the toy, but it just dripped onto the disposable sheet.

“Deniss,” Stéphane turned his head to the side, “You can squeeze some in if it doesn’t work well.”

“Squeeze…?” Deniss looked down at the bottle and soon understood what Stéphane meant. He did as the other man suggested, and used his fingertips to smear the cold liquid around the inner side of the ring of muscle. Deniss pushed the toy in as slowly as he could, but had no idea how deep he should go.

“Stéph,” He murmured, “I…can I just try it around? I don’t know where…” Well, it would be a serious problem if I had known where it was. As someone who had never had sex with men, he wasn’t even sure if that particular area even exists.

“Go for it,” Stéphane whispered, “I’m not sure I can tell you now.”

Deniss turned the vibration to the lowest setting and felt Stéphane’s body shiver a little in response to it. When he started to move it gently with different angles, he couldn’t avoid looking at Stéphane’s body, as he had to make sure everything wasn’t too much. He knew the other man was hard, and hopefully that meant their task is going well. He still hated today’s task, but he doubted if anything could be better in the following days.

He heard a soft nasal sound at some point of time, and he slowed down to push a little bit harder at the area. “I think it’s there,” Stéphane murmured, his long and deep breath hitch a tiny bit.

Deniss nodded, although he knew the other man wouldn’t able to see him. He turned the vibration up, and started to work on that particular place they’ve just identified. _Don’t think too much,_ he told himself while staring at the place where the ring of muscle wrapping around the silicone cylinder, _you just need to get it done._

He still checked in with Stéphane quite frequently to make sure it was alright. He didn’t have the space of mind to form polite and correct questions, and he might sound rude or awkward, but hopefully Stéphane would understand him. If not…well, he could apologize later.

“Deniss,” Stéphane said with unstable breaths, “I think I’m close.”

Deniss wasn’t sure how to respond to this. He could only hum to signal that he heard it, and thrust the toy harder and faster. Now he could feel some soreness on his upper arm, but it’s fine. It’s nothing to be concerned with.

Stéphane came with a muffled cry, and Deniss finally could turn the toy off and throw it back into the tray. He helped Stéphane to lie down on his side, knowing that his legs were shaking from the orgasm.

Deniss held the box of tissue papers and he wasn’t sure whether he should help with the rest. It felt quite inconsiderate to just leave everything to him, but Deniss didn’t think they were to the point of helping with…he wouldn’t use the word aftercare, but cleaning up sounds equally wrong.

Stéphane lifted his arm to take the box from Deniss. “Do you want to use the bathroom?” Stéphane asked while folding a piece of tissue.

Deniss immediately brought his hands down and tried to cover his crotch when he realized Stéphane could see the bulge in his pants. _Oh damn,_ he cursed silently. Stéphane had seen it. It’s pretty embarrassing, as he didn’t need to be aroused today.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed, “I-I didn’t-” He didn’t enjoying seeing it or doing it, and in no way should it be like that.

To his surprise, Stéphane smiled. “You know sometimes it can’t be consciously controlled.”

Deniss buried his face in both hands, “I know-but it’s still kind of, um, like, disrespectful and embarrassing. I didn’t mean to and shouldn’t have been aroused by this.”

Stéphane gently placed a palm on his lower back, and gave him a couple pats. “It’s fine. I’m not offended, and like I said, you have no way to control this. Humans may be better, but we’re still animals.”

Deniss finally looked up. Stéphane’s facial expression was warm, if a little bit exhausted; and he tried to believe that his mentor was fine. “If you don’t want the bathroom…I can go and take a shower?”

“No, you should rest for a moment.” Deniss gave up on covering anything up. He stood up and gave a little bow of acknowledgement to Stéphane, and walked to the bathroom.

He closed the door, washed his hands to get rid of all the lubricants and pulled his lounge pants down.

_I’m screwed,_ he looked up to the ceiling and the bright light as he bit his lip to stop him from moaning as he came. The sticky and hot liquid dripped down between his fingers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning:  
> Referenced Past Traumatic Experiences/Spanking/Panic Attacks

It was almost a sleepless night for Deniss. He tried to persuade himself to calm down, because nothing was more important than the clarity of mind in this situation. He had Stéphane by his side, but still, he was a qualified officer. He should be able to not rely on anyone.

But it was almost impossible. He thought about the man sleeping next to him, about the stories he heard, about the two years of mentoring he had, about his dinner with Stéphane after passing his qualification exams, about his first independent mission, and about their past four days together.

Stéphane told him with a gentle smile that sometimes it would just be a natural response, but he knew it wasn’t only that. He could hear his own heartbeat when he held Stéphane’s bound wrist in his palm. He knew he was thinking of Stéphane’s soft dark hair when he got himself off last night in the bathroom.

It shouldn’t have happened. They used to be mentor and student, they are now colleagues. He made a speech at Stéphane’s marriage reception by the sunny lake. They should remain close, they could support each other, but not this.

Not this. Deniss stared at the ceiling in the dark, knowing that it’s past midnight. All lights are turned off at midnight sharp. What was bothering him the most was the fact that the options were pushing them to choose the second one. Although it was in accordance with their initial decision of minimizing physical injuries and harm, which was precisely taught in their general training course, Deniss felt that he was, to a degree, making use of this situation for his personal desires, which shouldn’t be there in the first place.

He must have dozed off at some point, and he woke up to the smell of coffee and butter. Their breakfast had been provided, and it was past ten o’clock when he rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock on the wall. He should be considering their options now.

Deniss jumped out from the bed. “What is for today?” He asked, still with his bed-hair and puffy eyes.

Stéphane passed a piece of paper to him. Deniss wondered if papers could become a cue for traumatized memory for him later.

“Something on hand again?” Deniss finished reading the first page, and was almost certain that they would be going for the second one. Stéphane had expressed clear objection on doing anything to his hand, which is perfectly understandable. “…No way.” He hissed, “That’s…”

“Seems that they’re noting what we’re doing.” Stéphane looked at Deniss, who sat down again on the bed and frustratingly messing up his own blond hair, “Both are physical damages-or will lead to it.”

Deniss couldn’t say anything. “Deniss.” Stéphane said, “You’ll have to retire from operations if we go for the first.”

“But if it doesn’t affect my…”Deniss didn’t finish it. It’s really not about how much it could affect his abilities to hold a gun or to do a combat. Losing a finger, even if it’s the pinky, will be counted as an easily identifiable physical trait. “But the other one wasn’t a clear instruction.” He flipped the page, “Spanking can be from relatively harmless, relatively,” he stressed on the word, “or go all the way to serious muscle and bone injury.” It’s essentially the same situation as yesterday, when they had to choose between something clearly bad and something uncertain.

“I don’t want to retire yet, if it’s possible.” Deniss murmured, staring at somewhere on the carpet, “but also, at what expense?” Although the second option had caused no harm at all in the past days, he had learnt not to trust the people setting tasks for them.

“Neither do I.” Stéphane said and leaned onto the backrest, “Do you think it’s possible at all for you to do the second one?”

Deniss looked up. Stéphane was asking if he can do it. Of course, he knew what his mentor had encountered in his early days, and even witnessed something happening to him from a monitor. But knowing that someone is strong does not mean he could just inflict pain on them and expect them to be able to pull it through.

“I think…yes.” Deniss closed his eyes, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Stéphane stood up and gave him a brief hug, “We are in this together. I know I’ve been asking a lot from you in the past few days, and I understand the mental toll on you.”

Deniss pressed his palms to Stéphane’s back and lingered in the hug a little longer, before reaching for the control panel and selecting the exact same button as the last few days. He had to do it.

Stéphane told him about his first and last large-scale mission in the afternoon, which almost cost his life and made him retire at a very early age.

“It was hard.” Stéphane stared at the green space on the screen, “Many things were totally against my conscience. I managed to slip away from many things, but I didn’t know how many indirect deaths and sufferings I’ve caused. I knew what I’ve been doing would be useful in the end, but can I justify everything before? I don’t know. And because of the degree of confidentiality, I was told that if I were to get into trouble with any law enforcement bodies, the headquarters may not be able to provide support. I’m almost in it by myself.”

“But you survived in the end.” Deniss squeezed Stéphane’s hand, “you did. And the end result was appreciated, and it must be done.”

“To be honest, although I flagged the SOS signal, I wasn’t expecting a rescue, or a successful rescue.” Stéphane sighed, “I knew how the signal screening worked, and I was surprised to be told there was an attempt. I was thinking ‘okay I’m ready, hopefully I’ve helped’ when they injected me with tranquilizers.”

It was a very grim picture. Of course Deniss wasn’t there, but he could guess it. “…This won’t be that bad.” Deniss said, “I…There might be things that we eventually had to do, like today. I don’t know if I’m ready to cope, but I’m aware. I am.”

Stéphane turned to Deniss and hugged the young man again, and Deniss felt that was exactly what he needed. Just a little bit of warmth.

“I was wondering how they’re going to monitor this,” Deniss commented while reading the instruction, “a paddle equipped with impulse sensor? That is way too much.”

Stéphane draped himself across Deniss’s laps, “Deniss,” He said as the young man carefully peeled off his trousers and underwear, “If it is too difficult for you…I said on the first day.”

Deniss stopped halfway. “What?”

“I trust that it wouldn’t be any form of torture, unless-”

“-Unless it’s emotionally necessary to do so.” Deniss continued. He remembered this, but didn’t think it would come. “I don’t know where the threshold impulse is.” Deniss flipped the paddle back and forth to conceal his anxiety, “There might be a few which are not counted...”

“Don’t worry.” Stéphane reached for a pillow and held it to his chest to make it slightly more comfortable, “I should be fine.”

Deniss took a deep breath and placed his left palm on Stéphane’s back, couldn’t help but to think about the curvature at his lower back for a brief moment. He didn’t think a gentle tap would work at all, and tried first with a moderate smack.

The LED on the handle didn’t light up. Deniss squeezed the handle, “…It seems that I’ll need to go harder.”

Stéphane nodded. Deniss tried four times to get the first green light, literally a green light, and he felt a mix of relief and worry. Now he knew how much he should do for it to count, but again, with such power, he didn’t know how it would be in the end. He had promised that he’ll pull it through, but it would not be easy.

Deniss kept the criteria in mind and continued. There were occasionally a few that didn’t trigger the LED, but at least most of them counted as valid. He tried not to think too much, but he couldn’t ignore the contraction of muscles in reaction to the impact and pain, and Stéphane’s skin slowly tainted pink then light red. At least there’s no broken skin or visible bruise forming yet, Deniss thought. He had chosen to stop thinking about the pain, as he wasn’t sure he’ll be able to continue at all should he start to let those thoughts in.

Stéphane slipped a hand under Deniss’s on his lower back, and Deniss realized his hand was shaking. “I’m fine,” Stéphane said, “Deniss, I’m fine.”

Deniss bit his lips and completed the final few swats. He let the paddle fall to one side and immediately felt his heart racing. _At least it was finished,_ he thought. He knew either an anxiety or a panic could kick in once there’s no other thing to keep the mind absolutely occupied.

Stéphane knelt up and immediately held Deniss close to his chest. “It’s over,” He whispered as Deniss pressed his forehead to Stéphane’s chest, “I’m alright.” He just repeated a couple of simple words and Deniss lifted his arms to respond to the hug.

Deniss knew he was crying. It really had been a lot, and the thought became even more unbearable after he had realized his thoughts about his former mentor. He wanted someone he shouldn’t have wanted, and hurt someone he would never wish to. He knew his tears are staining Stéphane’s shirt, but he didn’t have the energy to think about it right now. He was desperate to grab anything for support.

He didn’t know how long it took for him to calm down. When he gently gave the other man a push, he finally realized the large patch of wetness on Stéphane’s nightshirt and the fact that Stéphane still wasn’t dressed from his waist down.

“Deniss?” Stéphane wiped his former student’s face, “Is it slightly better now?”

Deniss nodded. “Yes, I…I think it’s fine now.” He grabbed Stéphane’s wrist, “Is there anything I could help with?” He knew it was a stupid question once he asked it. There’s really not much he could do, and anything he could think of is just too intimate for them. He didn’t think he’s in that position to propose a rub anyway.

“Do we still have a fresh top?” Stéphane looked to the closet, “If you don’t mind help checking?”

Deniss blinked his eyes and jumped down from the bed. _Maybe that’s not what he needs,_ Deniss thought, _but I know I need it right now._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Anal Sex/Barebacking/Creampie

The headache from crying and stress had gone when Deniss opened his eyes. The other side of bed was empty, and Stéphane was washing up in the bathroom. Deniss pushed the blanket to the side and walked to the screen. It was another day, and they were half way there.

Half way. Deniss both felt relieved and anxious for it, as he knew it wouldn’t be long before they leave this place-or before knowing they’re to be trapped here forever. But he wasn’t sure at what price. He already felt overwhelmed last night, and he knew the tasks would only get worse. There was hardly any doubt on this point.

“Morning.” Stéphane came back to the bedroom, still with messy hair, “did you sleep well?”

“I did.” Deniss didn’t lie. He felt as if he had cried everything out before bed, and although he had a headache before falling asleep, his sleep quality was surprisingly good last night. “Does it still hurt?”

Stéphane moved around a little. “Not really, I don’t feel anything particular moving about or standing still. I didn’t deliberately try to press down on it, either.”

“Really?” Deniss wasn’t sure if Stéphane was just trying to comfort him. He didn’t know how it can turn out to be overnight, as sometimes it could slowly heal on its own, but at other times, bruises and other nasty injuries start to show up over time.

Stéphane rubbed Deniss’s hair. “We promised to be honest. I’m sticking to our protocol and ethics.”

Deniss decided to believe him. After all, even if there was anything, he could hardly help. However, he also decided that he’ll try to persuade Stéphane to either sit on the armchair, which was padded, or on the bed. Hard floor would be out of question.

Their tasks arrived promptly at 10 am. Deniss brought it back to the coffee table, and saw that the descriptions had been again reduced to two single lines.

“Dislocate a shoulder, or an anal sex.” Deniss grumbled, “They’re going from a hand to a whole arm, aren’t they?”

“Things escalate quickly.” Stéphane read the two lines again, “thoughts?”

Deniss swallowed. To be honest, compared to yesterday, it was much easier to choose now. “Just to confirm, you do know how to put a dislocated shoulder back, right?” He had seen what Stéphane did to his own dislocated wrist, and he assumed Stéphane still remembered all his advanced field first-aid course. Most staff in training and teaching roles does.

“Yes, I know.” Stéphane nodded, “But just a reminder, it’s unlikely to be fully functional immediately.”

Deniss knew it. “Just to get myself informed,” He murmured, “Does the second one…sound acceptable to you?”

“It does.” Stéphane shrugged, “And it sounds much better than immobilizing …essentially a quarter, maybe more, of you?”

A moment of indecision came back to Deniss in the afternoon. Technically it wasn’t one, because they couldn’t revert back now; but Deniss thought he had something to ask.

“Stéph,” Deniss finally decided to voice it out, “you know, about the task today, I still feel a little bit…well, not exactly uncomfortable, but I thought I want to ask something.” He added, “You don’t need to answer if it’s too personal.”

“What is it?” Stéphane propped himself up from the bed, “I’ll answer as long as no animals or plants would be harmed by my words. Humans included.”

Deniss almost laughed. “I mean, after all you’re in a stable relationship and married. Is Chris going to be alright with this?”

Stéphane raised a brow. He thought Deniss would be thinking along those lines, but he wasn’t sure if it was just for today, or it had weighed on his mind for some time.

“’This’ means?” He prompted, “Specifically today’s task? Or with generally what had been happening?”

Deniss took a deep breath to brace himself for the answer. “I’ve been thinking about this since our first day, but maybe today’s…it made me feel I need to ask.”

“I don’t want to be lecturing you now, but,” Stéphane pushed himself to sit cross-legged on the bed, “One form of sex is not too different from others. Surely they’re technically different, carry different risks and all that, but any form of sex is sex. Back to your question, I can’t speak for him, but I don’t think he’ll file a divorce, or separation, whatever it’s called. Nor is he going to hate you because of this. There were a few times that I did it in missions, although it was way before our marriage. Considering that we almost forget to get married after an extra-long relationship, it shouldn’t change anyway.”

Deniss was almost convinced. Almost. “But we had choices this time.” He murmured.

“I had choices back then.” Stéphane moved away from the bed and lowered himself to look into Deniss’s eyes, “I didn’t have to use sex. But if it’s the safest and easiest option, why would I do it otherwise?”

Deniss was almost grateful that they weren’t given any strange toys tonight, but he was also furious that they weren’t given a condom. “I shouldn’t have expected they’d been promoting safe sex, but still.” Deniss grumbled as he screw the bottle of lubricant open.

Stéphane laughed at the young man’s comment. “No, but at least we’re both clean. I appreciate that the medical wing offers PEP to keep us relatively safe, but it was still, urgh.”

Deniss could still see a hue of reddish pink on Stéphane’s buttocks and upper thighs. He almost reached his hand to touch it, but stopped himself from doing so. He wasn’t sure if it was because he had done it once before, or if it was because of Stéphane’s reassuring words earlier, he actually felt less uneasy when he was opening Stéphane up. But at the same time, he didn’t feel the other man responding much to anything. Stéphane had very short answers when Deniss asked if everything’s alright, and practically nothing more.

_But after all, I shouldn’t expect it to be anything else,_ Deniss thought.

Deniss slipped a pillow under Stéphane’s lower back and pushed himself into the warm tightness. He had to make sure the other man wasn’t in pain or unnecessary discomforts, because he suspected there would be some. He knew how it should be done, but he had zero experience on it.

“Deniss.” The young man immediately paused upon hearing his name. Has anything gone wrong?

“I was…you can hold my waist if it makes it easier for you.” Stéphane said, still with a flat tone, but Deniss thought it was a little bit shakier. Or maybe it was all his imagination.

Deniss did. To be honest, it was slightly easier when he did so, but on the other hand, it became much harder to focus. Or rather, much harder to distract himself from the things he shouldn’t be thinking about right now. There’s Stéphane’s slim waist under his palms. He could feel those small contractions of Stéphane’s muscles. And due to the fact that he was leaning forward, he needed to constantly remind himself not to kiss Stéphane. A part of him really wanted to, but he knew he shouldn’t. He didn’t need to kiss this man, and he had no right to do so. The married couple may be fine with having sex with others for professional reasons, but not a true romantic relationship. Deniss knew they’ve pledged loyalty to each other, and he could see a faint indent on Stéphane’s ring finger, although he wasn’t wearing the ring now for some reason.

Deniss shivered and came. _I hope I won’t be leaving anymore marks on him_ , he thought, not knowing if his grip is hard enough to leave a bruise.

Stéphane didn’t say anything apart from a firm squeeze on Deniss’s shoulder. Deniss watched him walking to the bathroom, still undressed, with some liquid streaking down his inner thigh.

_He’s not even hard,_ Deniss thought desperately while falling to the bed and covering his eyes with a hand. _It wasn’t even pleasurable for him. But again, why should it be pleasurable for him? It’s only “acceptable”._ Deniss had to persuade himself not to think about what was going on in the bathroom as he listened to the sound of the shower.

Day 6 done. Deniss turned his head to look at the curtain, slipped his nightclothes on and walked to the screen. The stars are still shining in the same way as in their first night here.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Urethral Sounding/Retrograde Ejaculation

_Oh it’s another day._ Deniss stared at the ceiling, _and what hell is going to happen today?_

He suspected that the summary of the whole thing, the one they received on day 1, was serious when they hinted there could be deaths in this experiment. None of the tasks given could be directly life-threatening, but the difficult choices they’ve been given could absolutely make people lose their mind. He knew he was on the edge of breakdown, and somehow rather miraculously, a talk with Stéphane could make him feel better for a brief period of time. And then, he had to face the next task.

“Deniss?” Stéphane spoke softly, “Morning, Deniss?”

Deniss turned to look at the person beside him. He saw that familiar smile, the smile he’s so used to in the past few years. It was still the same smile, bright and warm. He wasn’t sure if he still deserves it.

“Stéph.” Deniss looked at the smile, as spellbinding as always, “I don’t know what to expect. I’m…a little bit scared.”

Stéphane blinked, moved closer and pulled Deniss into his arms. Deniss opened his eyes wide, knowing that Stéphane couldn’t see him. _A hug in bed_ , he told himself.

“I know. I don’t know what will happen today, tomorrow, and eventually. I don’t know from what we’ll have to choose, I don’t know what will be coming.” Stéphane said, “But I know I’m not alone in facing this.”

Deniss kept silence. Sure, he wasn’t alone in facing this, but he was in a sense, hurting the person beside him. “Stéph, I know I’ve asked this many times.” He finally said, grateful that Stéphane was still holding him, “But really, are all these hurting you? I mean, mentally or physically.”

“If you say ‘hurt’…” Stéphane said, “Yes, and no. I’ll be lying if I were to tell you that nothing hurts or everything’s good, and you won’t believe it. But at the same time, mentally I’m fine, I know that whatever that was inflicted on us,” He stressed on ‘us’, “wasn’t in our control. They gave us choices to make it seems that we have some control and what happens can be our fault, but that’s not true. It’s not.”

Deniss tried to breathe slowly. Okay, this might be true, but he still didn’t know what to do with his feelings for Stéphane. He wasn’t sure if it was just because of this weird experiment and what they had to do, or if it has been there for a long time in his deepest mind. “Stéph,” He finally decided to confess, “I had to tell you this. I’ve been feeling some…hmm, attachment? I don’t know if that’s the right word. And I really have no idea if it was just the whole situation, or if…”He stopped. Someone as sharp as Stéphane must have figured out what he meant by the subtle ‘attachment’.

“All this can really overwhelm you and trick your mind.” Stéphane patted the young man’s back, “Thank you for telling me this. Is it bothering you a lot?”

Deniss hesitated. “It’s definitely something in my mind, but I’m not going to like commit suicide because of this.” He said, “I mean…I’m trying to emotionally detach myself from what is going on, but it really wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I really don’t know how to control my mind. On the other hand, I know I probably won’t be able to do anything with regards to our tasks if I weren’t trying.”

Stéphane just listened. “Deniss, I know it’s hard, I know. Does saying it out loud make you feel better?”

“It…”Deniss pressed his chin a little bit more into Stéphane’s shoulder, “I can’t say for sure. But it definitely is like unloading something heavy from my brain.” He had more or less guessed that Stéphane would react in this way, no matter what he actually thinks. He’s never doubted his mentor’s kindness. He’ll worry about the consequences later.

“Deniss, I’m with you.” Stéphane moved back a little, and Deniss suddenly felt a void once he was released from the embrace. “And I really hope…if possible, to accompany and support you as much as possible.”

Deniss forced a smile. He still didn’t fully understand his mentor, but he’ll take that for now. It’s the best he can expect now.

“If anything is bothering you, hmm, especially after we finish the tasks, I’m happy to listen.” Stéphane dropped a kiss on Deniss’s blond hair, “Of course, if you feel comfortable to do so.”

Deniss waited for the cursed 10 am bell chime. He almost had a reflex now, as he could feel his mind racing at the sound, and he would instinctively jump up to get the paper.

“A laceration on face, or a urethral sounding.” Deniss held the paper, “The second choice, does it mean what I think it is?” He knew it in the medical context, and had never thought it could have a sexual context. Okay, maybe a sexual torture.

“I only know one meaning.” Stéphane looked at Deniss, knowing that the young man was again frustrated at their options. “I’m not sure what the exact thing will be, though.”

The words on the paper started to lose their meaning as Deniss stared at them for a long time. And marks on face are surely considered easily identifiable traits, but he wasn’t certain that the second option is safer for them. The ‘sex’ options from last few days were much more harmless in comparison to this.

“Deniss.” Stéphane leaned in and took the young man’s hand, “If you are thinking about this, I’m okay with the second option. Although I don’t know what it would be, the second option hadn’t given them any real trouble which would require a trip to the emergency room.”

“I’m,” Deniss sighed, “I was thinking that the second option hasn’t be horrific, too. But I don’t know if I’ll do something wrong and make it…” He immediately put his hand onto the table, “Touch wood.” It’s once again a choice between “something that’s surely terrible” and “something that could potentially be terrible”.

“I’ll make the choice, then.” As if knowing Deniss’s struggle, Stéphane walked to the control panel and pressed on the second button, “Deniss, I just took the choice away from you. If anything happens,” He looked into his former student’s eyes, “I did it to myself.”

Deniss could probably have stopped Stéphane, but he was too dumbstruck to make use of his agility. He was sort of glad that he didn’t have to be the one choosing, but he also felt a little guilty for it. He should have been able to take the responsibility.

Deniss somehow felt slightly relieved when he read the instructions and checked what was provided in the tray. With Stéphane. He would never thought of this in his wildest dreams, but it’s happening. The instructions didn’t look too evil, the smooth metal rod wasn’t too crazy, and at least they have alcohol wipes and lubricants. Less risk factors.

Deniss cleaned the metal rod carefully, and tried not to look at Stéphane. He knew the other man was undressing, and he somehow was surprised at how calm he was right now. Lesson one of their general training, try your best not to panic. Use your adrenaline rush in the right way.

The instructions were very detailed, even with safety tips. Deniss almost wanted to laugh at the seemingly ‘kind reminders’, as he knew the vice behind it. Science used in the bad way.

He cleaned the metal three times, almost suspecting that he had an undiagnosed compulsive disorder. He turned to Stéphane and took the bottle of lubricant from the other man, squeezed a generous amount into his palm and applied it to the tip of Stéphane’s cock.

It was the second time for Deniss to touch his former mentor, but he didn’t have the luxury of letting his mind wander now. He has to be as focus and attentive as he possibly can, which could be a disaster later. “Can I…?” Deniss asked, hoping that his voice wasn’t shaking too much. He knew that he was nervous. Very nervous.

“Sure.” Stéphane murmured, and Deniss placed the tip of the metal rod just about the small opening.

He didn’t know that it would actually happen outside a medical context. He used to think it’s something like a procedure requiring specific training, maybe like intubation. Anything like this without training just sounds like a recipe for a disaster.

The tip of the metal rod glided in, and stopped there. Deniss was still holding on to both Stéphane’s cock and the other end of the metal rod, and he had to focus to make sure his hands are very stable. The instruction suggested that there shouldn’t be any ‘pushing in’ to avoid damaging, so they just need to wait until Stéphane’s body relaxed naturally to take it in.

That was something else that Deniss didn’t know, however, he had no other choice but to believe it. Common sense tells him that it’s probably true.

The rod slowly moved deeper. Deniss was a little bit scared when he heard a change in Stéphane’s breaths, until Stéphane reassured him. “It’s…not painful, don’t worry,” Stéphane said while Deniss had a worried face on, “It just felt strange.”

Of course it would be. Deniss looked at the metal rod, still making its way down until it stopped. He wasn’t sure how he should actually touch Stéphane now, so he chose to start very very gently.

He loosely wrapped his fingers around the shaft, and moved up and down slowly. Immediately he heard Stéphane’s shaky breaths and felt him tensing up.

Stéphane’s eyelashes were trembling. Deniss didn’t know why he was noticing such a detail. “Stéph?”

Stéphane didn’t answer him immediately, which made Deniss even more worried.

“It’s…just a lot.” Stéphane finally said, “But we have to get it done, Deniss. I’ll be fine.”

Deniss bit his lips as he continued. The breaths he heard was becoming more and more shaky. He saw Stéphane’s hand clutching the blanket underneath him. He could feel the other person’s legs were trembling.

He wasn’t sure if Stéphane wasn’t lying when he said it wasn’t painful. Even if it was true, there surely would be a lot of discomfort, and he wished that he could share a fraction of it. He really did.

“Deniss,” Stéphane said with heavy breaths, “You can remove it, I’m-”

Deniss tried to slowly lift it, but he had it too slow. Before he managed to remove the whole rod, the body under his hands trembled and the muscles clenched, with a very muffled cry.

_Oh no._ Deniss could hardly keep his hands steady. The instructions said that it ‘generally is not a good idea’, but he didn’t know how much harm it could have done. He continued to remove it until the rod completely left Stéphane’s body, and immediately leaned forward to check on the other person.

Deniss felt his heart wrenching. Stéphane’s eyes were shut, and he would take it for pain, or extreme discomfort. And he didn’t know what to do. He’s trained in first aid, yes, but nowhere in the course would have taught him how to deal with this.

It seemed to take ages for Stéphane to open his eyes and focused his eyes on Deniss. “It’s…more than I thought.”

Deniss stopped him from sitting up and took the tissue paper box. He had been leaving it to Stéphane in the last few days, thinking that his mentor might want to do it on his own. But there’s no way that he could walk away from this.

He very gently wiped everything clean and dry, not sure how sensitive Stéphane would still be even after the rod had been removed. It might be a little bit embarrassing if he thought about it, but he couldn’t care.

“Deniss?” Stéphane asked after Deniss helped to dress him, “Do you want to talk about it? No pressure, but if it helps, I’m happy to.”

Deniss took a deep breath. “I…It’s a mess now.” He said, “I want to talk about it, I definitely do. But I just need a little bit time to know what I’m thinking. How about tomorrow morning?”

Stéphane nodded. “Sure, anytime.” He sat up and gave the young man a brief hug and a smile, “Again, I chose it, and I don’t think there’s much to be concerned with.”

Deniss slowly nodded, and tried to convince himself it was so.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Blood/Gore/Implied Traumatic Experience.   
> All procedures are fictional.

“It’s such a crazy time.” Deniss took a bite of his bread, “I thought it would only happen in movies, those dystopian or science fiction type?”

“You’ve never felt that you live in a movie, a superhero one?” Stéphane raised his brows.

Deniss grimaced. “I don’t know a superhero can have such a bad luck. Even your chip, which is the most superhero-y thing, isn’t working right now.” He still didn’t feel ready to talk about last night, so he’d rather talk about science fictions. Or ballets, in the case that Stéphane wasn’t as big a science-fiction fan as Chris.

Chris.

Deniss knew Stéphane had been through a lot in his professional career. He couldn’t access the medical records, but he more or less had heard about things and managed to get a rough picture. And he wondered how Stéphane could still be the person he is now, optimistic, smiling, gentle and caring.

“Stéph?” Deniss thought he could start with some general questions. Suppose they would eventually leave this place, he thought it would be better to seek for some advice now. He was not going to assume that he would be alright after regaining his freedom. “How do you…well, I suppose, get through all the psychological stuff after things like this?” 

Stéphane put the breakfast tray back near the window, and Deniss watched the automated system opening the window, removing the tray and shut it again. He was trying to look through the small opening on the first few days, but all he could see is a labyrinth of metal arms.

“The medical ring really helped. The psychiatrists could do wonders, although the beginning can be very painful. It’s all the things that you’re trying to forget and deny.” Stéphane sat down on the bed, opposite to Deniss, “And just people around me. My loved ones. I’ve been at times difficult, especially when I was having a…how should I phrase it, brief moment of mental crisis? They’ve been supporting me.”

Deniss held his cup tighter. Loved ones. He used to have them, and he didn’t know if he should still assume he’ll have them. Stéphane had been his main source of support throughout his training and even after his qualification, listening to his frustrated complaints, cheering him up and giving him a shoulder to cry on. But after this? He didn’t know.

Chris was also one of his confidants, especially when he wanted to talk about Stéphane. That man had a totally different vibe, calm and almost analytical. If Stéphane could give anyone a tight hug, Chris would sit across the desk and listen, before reasoning everything out. There was always some comfortable distance. And Deniss would consider himself lucky if there’s not too much estrangement after this. After all, Chris was Stéphane’s legal partner.

And Satoko. First of all, there’re many things that he couldn’t tell her for confidentiality reasons. In their field, knowing less often means being safer.

“Deniss?” Stéphane waved a hand in front of the young man’s eyes. 

“Um,” Deniss shook his head and tried to give himself an excuse, “I was just thinking about registering with the psychiatrists. Can you do it on the system, or do you need to go down to the medical wing?”

“The system will do. But most of the time, Laura will call one for you. Wasn’t it what happened last time?”

Deniss remembered. “Oh right…with Caro.” His first disastrous mission.

“But if you want to talk to someone else,” Stéphane leaned forward and moved closer, “I’m happy to listen. I think Chris would be, as well.”

Deniss had to smile. “Hm, yeah…I think I’m not strong enough, I guess.” He didn’t know if he still deserved the care from that couple. 

“Deniss,” Stéphane said, with a hint of seriousness in his voice, “Acknowledging them doesn’t make you weak. It is the first step to make you stronger.”

Deniss sighed and leaned against the backrest. He wished he could, but he needed to at least get through this. Time-wise, they’re more than half way; but he didn’t know how much worse it could be in the last three days. And it’s almost ten o’clock.

“I cannot do this.” Deniss stared at the piece of paper and suddenly wanted to burn the whole place down, “Although it had never really lead to anything serious, but this sounds too…risky.” It could well be the first life-threatening thing in the whole crazy experiment. Asphyxiation didn’t sound like a good idea. A little bit too much could lead to unconsciousness, permanent brain damage, or worse, death. Deniss didn’t tell Stéphane that there’s another reason. Waterboarding was the first torture method he had seen done to an actual person, and it still was a triggering factor for him. 

Stéphane nodded. “Removing a small patch of skin does seem to be slightly better than oxygen deprivation, provided if it isn’t on the…I’m not sure, neck?”

Deniss grimaced and grabbed Stéphane’s hand and pressed it to the coffee table. “Stéph, no, don’t. I’m going to keep your hand on this wooden surface for ten minutes for my sake.” He didn’t feel too scared, and even had the energy to tell a joke, maybe only to lighten things up.

Deniss looked into the tray they’ve been provided. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest. A lancet, forceps, gauze dressings, surgery gloves, alcohol for disinfection, saline for washing, with a 3-page long instruction on the ‘correct’ procedure. Not surprisingly, there were no anaesthetics. 

“Stéph, can we do it earlier?” Deniss flipped through the procedure, “I mean, the lighting condition now is much better than at night. And luckily, the instruction didn’t specify where the skin should be removed. “Also, I did the right thing to press your hand to the table.”

Stéphane took the instruction from Deniss and studied it. It was so detailed that almost looked like a beginner’s surgery guide, if such thing existed. From disinfection to making the first cut, from an anatomy of the skin to the correct washing and bandaging procedure.

“Where should we do this?” Stéphane put the instruction down and asked Deniss. Ideally somewhere easy and accessible.

Deniss looked at his own body. “Forearm?” He pushed his left sleeve up and placed his left arm on the table, “We can do it here, and it should be easy to bandage. 

Stéphane nodded and put the gloves on, starting with wiping the forceps and lancet with alcohol. Deniss could hear his own heartbeat, and he knew that he was still nervous. He knew it would be painful, and hoped that he wouldn’t pass out from it. 

The alcohol felt cold on his skin. Deniss held his breath as the lancet cut into his forearm, and blood oozing out from the shallow thin line. He let out a shaky breath, and pressed his other hand firmly onto his lap. It hurts, but he knew there’s worse to come. Stéphane looked up on Deniss’s face frequently, without saying anything. He needed to make sure Deniss was still relatively alright, but they also wanted to get it done with as quickly as possible. 

Deniss watched his arm. A small skin flap was lifted with the forceps, and the lancet cut in almost parallel to his skin. He felt like an apple, or some kind of vegetables, that was having its skin peeled off, like what he would do when he was cooking.

Deniss hissed at this idea and tried to expel it from his mind. No, don’t think about cooking now. It could be the worse reference ever.

Stéphane heard it and looked up. Deniss was pale, but his eyes were still in focus. “Deniss?” He asked, a hint of worry in his voice. Asking “does it hurt” would not make any sense now.

“I’m just…thinking about something that I probably shouldn’t,” Deniss wanted to hold Stéphane’s hand to tell him that there’s nothing too serious, but realized that he had gloves on a second later. He decided to place the other palm onto his former mentor’s shoulder. “I miss my kitchen.” He needed to bake something sweet once he’s out of here. A cake, or a pie. 

The pain continued, and it didn’t become numb as Deniss would expect it to be. He felt his stamina wearing away, as if it’s gone with the patch of skin that’s been removed. The pieces of gauze placed under his arm had been soaked with blood, but luckily there’s no major blood vessel damage. Judging from the amount, Deniss knew that it should only come from the capillaries. He almost couldn’t believe how steady Stéphane’s hands were.

It finally came to an end when the skin flap is completely detached from his arm. Deniss finally let out a sigh of relief, as the worst part is over. Deniss dropped his head and decided not to look at the rest. It should be fine.

He felt a wet gauze dressing gently dabbing on the open wound. It still hurts, and he could really smell his own blood. It was a little bit nauseating, to be honest.

Everything finished with a dry clean dressing and secure bandaging. Deniss tried to smile, “It wasn’t that bad-”

Stéphane carried him onto the bed. Deniss blinked, not sure how he should decipher his former mentor’s non-verbal language.

“Stéph?” Deniss watched the other man returning the blood-stained tray to the small window and getting a glass of water, “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Stéphane sat besides him, propping him up with a few pillows and placing the glass near his lip. “You need some water. You’ll soon get dehydrated.”

Only then did Deniss realize that his shirt was soaked with sweat, probably his hair as well. He silently had a few sips of water and his mind started to settle down. A headache soon followed, which Deniss was sure that came from mental stress just now. Maybe he could get some sleep.

Deniss turned to the screen when he woke up and saw the sunset. Stéphane was sitting next to the coffee table watching him closely, but Deniss couldn’t see his face because of the lighting. 

“Deniss?” Stéphane stood up immediately and moved closer, “How are you feeling?”

Deniss could now see the worry and anxiety on Stéphane’s face. He could also feel it in his voice. “It still hurts,” He raised his bandaged arm, “But other than that, everything is fine.”

Stéphane nodded slowly, and Deniss decided to ask him to come closer. Maybe it would feel great to have him sit close with an arm on his upper back. It shouldn’t be too much to ask, right? Deniss told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I ruined kitchen and cooking for Deniss!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Enema
> 
> I have to write this because it is a task in the original game. I'll see y'all in hell I guess....

Deniss’s arm didn’t really bother him so much that he couldn’t fall asleep at all, but it surely didn’t help. He woke up under the same yellow light, and checked the bandaging. Luckily it seemed that bleeding had stopped, and he didn’t appear to have a temperature. Good signs.

Stéphane leaned closer and touched Deniss’s forehead. “I don’t think there’s a problem,” Deniss murmured, “not now.” It still hurts, but not as much as yesterday.

“I have a feeling,” Deniss said, “that they’re seriously doing some sorts of experiments. They don’t have any ethics, yes, but they’ve been keeping to their words.” It might sound wrong, but he really wanted to finish their last two tasks and leave this damn place. He needed something to look forward to in order to finish them, which he knew could only be more evil.

Stéphane smiled. “Sure, and we can think about this place back to headquarters. I think Brian would be interested in looking into this.”

They saved some spare gauze dressing and saline, so Deniss could have his arm cleaned in the morning. The small square with exposed subcutaneous tissue didn’t look pleasant, not at all, but Deniss knew it would be healing on its own. He also tried with flexing his fingers and wrist, and there seemed not to have any problems. Some more good news.

The piece of paper arrived as usual after their breakfast, and Deniss put it down once he finished reading it. It was the same situation once again.

“An obvious choice.” Stéphane said, “Don’t you think so?”

Deniss nodded, painfully. Eye injury would not only mean he had to leave this field, but also affect his life as a normal person. But the other choice could not even be labeled lightly as ‘sex’, but humiliation. Sure, they could do it, it was much better than the first one. There was only, Deniss thought, only a mental consequence. But he’s not going to assume that it has less potential to do damage than a physical one.

“Deniss,” Stéphane watched Deniss, pensive but silent, and he knew what Deniss was thinking. “I can make the decision if you don’t want to.”

Deniss squeezed his eyes close and stood up. “No, I can.” He pressed the second button on the control panel. He might be hesitant, his mental state might be a mess at times and surely he needed help after this, but that was the minimum he could do. Taking some responsibilities.

He felt restless throughout at least a half of the afternoon. The tray with everything they would need just sat there on the desk, and Deniss couldn’t keep his mind off from it. He would never think that he would need to do this, not even in a mission. In an insider joke, the operation agents often talked about how sex often ranked very high the ‘10 things you hate in this profession’ list, but never this. No one would have expected this.

_At least it was just saline,_ Deniss finally decided to think about the silver linings, if it could be called a silver lining. Not any type of weird liquids.

“Deniss,” Stéphane said when Deniss was clearly distracted the fifth time in the afternoon, “We can do it earlier if it stops you from being fussy.”

_Of course St_ _éphane would notice it._ Deniss couldn’t stop himself from peeking at the tray once again, and buried his face in both palms. “Okay,” He gave up on thinking any more about it, “let’s do it.”

While Deniss was assembling the set near the sink, he could see Stéphane undressing in the mirror. He pinched the rubber tube with so much force that he suspected he could somehow damage it. He knew that he was not, and he should not consider himself to be the culprit, but there was a voice in his brain telling him otherwise. It felt like the logic reasoning, the conscience, the instincts and the emotions are fighting each other meaninglessly. They are still going to do it, and he needed to face any aftermaths.

The bag of liquid hooked onto the towel rack above the bathtub reminded Deniss of a drip. Close enough. Only a small bottle of lubricants, a plug and a timer was left sitting in the tray, and Deniss was reading the instructions once again. The timer was set to fifteen minutes. All set.

“Stéph?” Deniss put the paper aside, “I’m sorry.”

Stéphane held his left wrist, just above all the bandaging. “Don’t. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“I know it shouldn’t mean anything.” Deniss looked up at the bag of liquid to avoid staring at Stéphane’s body, now completely undressed, “But again, the thing itself would not feel good by any standard.”

Stéphane reached to the instruction sheet. “It’s only fifteen minutes.”

“Yeah..” Deniss sighed, “Alright. Just get it done with.”

“Be careful of your bandaging.” Stéphane said, “The sheet didn’t stop me from helping. Tell me if you…well, you know.”

Deniss nodded and watched Stéphane getting to all fours in the bathtub, with a folded towel underneath his knees. He took a deep breath before unscrewing the bottle of lubricant.

He felt almost robotic, just doing it step-by-step according to the instruction. Lubrication, inserting the nozzle, unclipping the tube. The liquid level started to go down, and he heard the change in the other man’s breaths. It must feel terrible for the cold liquid to go into the body. Deniss had never read or heard anything about how this would feel, but he had common sense. He knew there would be discomfort and cramps, and that was just the physical side.

Deniss applied a generous amount of lubricant onto the plug, removed the nozzle and gently pushed the plug in place. He saw Stéphane trembling a little, and he had no idea how both of them could withstand the next fifteen minutes. The timer went second by second, and Deniss could swear they were the longest seconds he had ever seen. Longer than some days ago when he tied Stéphane to the bed.

It felt like they were in two worlds even though there’s only a knee-high boundary of bathtub wall in between them. _I could do nothing,_ Deniss thought desperately. He saw strands of sweat-soaked hair sticking to the other man’s neck and his shaking limbs, and he dared not to imagine what Stéphane would be feeling right now. The timer told him that only five minutes had passed.

Waiting is the hardest bit. Deniss wanted to distract himself with something, anything, but he couldn’t. The only thing he could do is to count, second by second, minute by minute. It was such a long suffering for both of them.

Deniss jumped up when the timer went off. Finally. Stéphane was trying to get himself up from the awkward position with heavy breaths, and Deniss immediately slid his right arm under his chest as some form of support.

Okay, now we need to get everything out. Deniss thought. The easiest choice is here and now, but it could be way to degrading. He carried the other man in his arms a second later, grimacing as Stéphane’s legs pressed down to his bandaged arm, but he’ll worried about his arm later.

“Can you sit on your own?” Deniss asked as he put the other man on the toilet seat, tried to sound as nonchalant as he could. It’s needed when asking that type of questions. Pain could easily wear anyone’s stamina away, and a fall is the least thing Deniss wanted to see. Anything else is better than an accident.

The other man didn’t answer immediately. Just before Deniss was getting seriously worried-not that he wasn’t at all-Stéphane spoke with a soft and very shaky voice. “Sorry, but I’m really not sure.”

Deniss pressed a palm onto Stéphane’s upper back, now wet with sweat, “Don’t be. I’ll stay here if it’s okay for you.”

Deniss felt Stéphane nodding, his forehead pressing to Deniss’s chest. The plug was removed, and Deniss could feel Stéphane almost gasping for air while hearing everything. He didn’t know what he should think about right now.

Deniss didn’t let go when Stéphane tried to move away. He got some paper and reached for the towel rack, wrapped Stéphane in a bath towel and carried him back to the bed. His left arm was screaming again, but he couldn’t care.

He sat down on the floor next to the bed. The clock on the wall said it was only half past five, and the sun was starting to set on the big screen.

“Does it still hurt a lot?” Deniss asked. Now he could finally look at Stéphane’s face, with some basic decency provided by the towel.

“A little bit but much better,” Stéphane placed a palm on his lower abdomen, “Sorry that you have to-”

Deniss stopped him. “No, don’t be. You said we’re in this together. I can’t do much, but…”

Stéphane took the young man’s left arm, turned his wrist slightly and saw the once again blood-stained bandaging. He sighed, “Deniss, can you get these gauze dressings?”

Deniss tried to pull his arm back, but didn’t manage to. Not because the grip was in any way strong, but he knew Stéphane would insist on it. “…A second.” He said and went to collect the last few pieces of dressing from the coffee table.

Stéphane sat up on the bed, placed Deniss’s left arm on his laps and started to untie the knots. Deniss had to look down and focus on the wound to avoid seeing Stéphane’s chest as the towel couldn’t cover it when he was sitting up. He knew it was different as compared to a couple of days before, when it was a sinful lust. It was now much more complex. Deniss wanted to pull the man into his arms, to feel his breaths and heartbeat, maybe to kiss him on the cheeks or lips, and to share his pains.

Deniss didn’t know if it was a romantic feeling, but somewhere in his mind, he knew it was no less sinful than a lust. Probably more.

_St_ _éphane is married,_ he reminded himself. _St_ _éphane was my mentor._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning:Handjob.

“I don’t know what to expect.”Deniss said, as he watched the clock going, “I don’t know if they’re going to give us the worst thing.”

Stéphane looked at the small window in front of their desk. “Neither do I. The trend suggests so, but you know, assuming they’ll be following a trend is anything but presumptive.”

Deniss pondered. The worst situation might be two tasks, both with potentially life-threatening effects. But there’s another possibility for them to be trapped here for longer, and honestly, he didn’t know which one is worse.

“I wonder what the aim of this study is.” Stéphane continued, avoiding the topic which Deniss had just brought up, “What they’re trying to evaluate? What traits are they actually analyzing?”

Deniss rolled his eyes. “Stéph, did anyone tell you that you could have been…I guess, someone like them?”

Stéphane raised a brow. “Deniss, I’ve been in Project Geneva. An undercover doesn’t just sit there. Sure, there were people saying that I had the potential to be the worst anti-social and anti-humanity…well, not sure if that can be still called a ‘person’, but let’s say villain.”

Deniss raised both arms in a surrender position. “Fine. I was just thinking, um, in the past few days, it was basically a choice between a physical harm, blood, and a degrading sex. Are they trying to draw conclusions from that?”

“I have been thinking along the same line.” Stéphane put his glass down on the table, “But they’ve all been a physical harm to you or sex to me. Let’s put it that way. If they’re not going to alternate this, I don’t know if it was just a pure ‘blood or sex’ situation. They might be looking for a trend of change, such as if something can get ‘more acceptable’.” He made air quotes around the word, “And what is the boundary for the participants-hostages.”

Deniss looked around the room and up the ceiling. “I bet they’re listening to this now, and either are laughing at our guessing, or are surprised that we’ve deciphered what was behind all this.” He looked down at the bandaging on his left arm, “But really, there are so many factors which could affect choices and responses. Past experiences. Relationships between the pair. General perception towards sex and violence.”

“Now you’re really starting to think all the variables?” Stéphane teased.

Deniss coughed to conceal his blush. “What do you call this…for academic purposes.” _If they’re really looking for a change in behavior and how it affects the choices,_ he thought, _I know it really changes. Personal anecdote._

The piece of paper was sent into the room at ten o’clock sharp. Deniss went to pick it up, confident that it would be the last time he does this. His eyes widened the second he saw what was printed on the paper.

“Deniss?” Stéphane noticed it, “Anything wrong?”

Deniss looked up and passed the piece of paper on. “It’s the same as day 1, although it says day 10 on the paper.” Is it an actual cycle? Since ‘day 10’ was printed there, there couldn’t be a mistake in sending the wrong piece.

“…Yes,” Stéphane said after finishing reading it, “Only that they swapped us.”

Deniss looked at it once again. Yes, that’s right. “Alright, what are we saying just now?” He sighed, “Now I believe they’re looking into whether it’s about the nature of the act, or the…recipient? Of the act.”

“Any ideas on what we’re choosing today?” Stéphane saved the piece of paper from being torn apart.

Deniss had to think through it. If those feelings had not been bothering him, he would choose a handjob straight away. Even if it was supposed to be their last day here, minimizing physical harm should still be their priority. Neither of them knew what will happen next, and if they can be better prepared, there’s no reason not to. But at the same time, he was hesitant to ask.

“…Second option?” Deniss finally said, “Although this is the last day, hopefully.”

Stéphane looked into his former student’s eyes with concern. “Are you uncomfortable with this? You don’t have to if-”

_Oh, a wrong interpretation._ “No, it’s fine. I’m just, um, distracted.” Deniss cut in immediately, “It’s…like you said, it shouldn’t mean anything.” _It shouldn’t mean anything,_ he reminded himself. _Leave what happens in this room. You’re a trained professional._

They were also provided with different supplies after indicating their choice. The sample vial was still there- _of course it’s there_ -but not gloves. A bottle of lubricant was given. Deniss knew that he shouldn’t be concerned with gloves. They’ve had plenty of body contact in all these days, in all different ways.

Once again, they waited until after dinner. If what happened would stay in this room, Deniss somehow wanted to cherish it. Not the part of being forced to do something to each other, but the intimacy, the trust, the knowledge that they’re each other’s sole source of support. He didn’t know how everything would change after they leave here, but he wasn’t ready for estrangement. Even if there may not be one.

_This is really messing up with my mind,_ Deniss thought desperately. He didn’t know how much his psychiatrist would have to deal with, probably a handful.

Deniss didn’t draw the curtain close when he sat on the bed. It was not a window anyway, and since the whole room was monitored, the perverts should already have seen everything. He would prefer to look at the night sky. It hopefully would distract him from what would be happening soon, and the person performing it.

Deniss felt someone sitting down next to him, the mattress shifted a little. One arm wrapped behind his lower back, the glass sample vial touching his laps, and a hand on his cock. He shivered as the cold lubricant came into contact with his cock.

“Sorry, I know it’s a little bit cold.” Stéphane said, so close and soft that Deniss almost shivered again. _Don’t talk,_ he screamed silently, _otherwise I could be thinking about this voice later every time when I-_

It started very gently, and Deniss knew he was becoming very hard in a very short time. He was staring into the night sky on the screen, but damn it, he remembered what Stéphane’s hand looks like. Stéphane had stood very close to him, spooned him-Deniss rolled his eyes for the word choice-and held his hand to correct his shooting positions. Slender fingers. Boney knuckles. Warmth from his palm. Soft fingertips. Deniss could imagine it without looking down.

Deniss had to bite his lips to suppress crying out Stéphane’s name as he came. Shouting your sex partner’s name is fine, maybe even preferred. But they’re not sex partners, no matter how it seems like so. He heard the vial being screwed close and set aside, before Stéphane gently nudged him. “Deniss? Are you alright?”

Deniss closed his eyes to try to get his breathing back to normal. “Yes…I guess.” He finally had the courage to stop staring at the screen, and the first thing he saw was the other man’s hand, coated in a layer of lubricant and splattered with a little bit of his own come.

Stéphane went to wash his hands, and Deniss clutched a handful of tissue paper in his fist. Another piece of paper was sent from the window.

_Dear Parcicipants,_

_Thank you for completing this study. Your cooperation is genuinely appreciated. Have a good night’s sleep, and you’ll be home soon._

“They sent this.” Deniss passed it to Stéphane when he came back to the bedroom, “I…really have no idea what it means.” _Is it true? How are they going to leave at all?_ And he knew there’s nothing they could possibly do. It’s unrealistic to try to escape, although he knew that Stéphane didn’t return the lancet and forceps. They couldn’t cut anything open with these tools and brute force. Even if they could find some sort of exit, like somehow opening the sealed door, they had absolutely no idea where they were and what was outside the room.

“Were you at home before waking up here?” Stéphane asked, fumbling the piece of paper.

“I was.” Deniss nodded, “You..?”

“No.”Stéphane said, “I was…on a plane, which was supposed to land in Paris. Not even Geneva.”

Stéphane left many things unsaid, probably because of the monitor in their room. Deniss sat back on the bed and thought through them.

If they could somehow kidnap him from home, his apartment is no longer safe. He’d better tell the headquarters and find a safe place to stay. A safe house should do. And Stéphane…a plane. Deniss wouldn’t be surprised if he’s told that the headquarters had contacted the French Services and turn the airport upside down to look for any possible lead. It’s possible for an operation agent going silent for a couple of days without prior notice, but not for people like Stéphane. But hopefully it meant that Stéphane’s home, or rather Stéphane and Chris’s home is still safe. It looked like an unassuming and anonymous city-centre tiny apartment for a normal office worker, but it’s probably safer than any safe house they have in the headquarters. He didn’t know, and didn’t want to know, how many safety precautions are in place. Electronic locks, intruder alarms, tracing codes, monitors. Chris could go all-out in this.

“I don’t want to wake up in this bed tomorrow morning.” Deniss murmured, “I have plants at home.”

“Good night, then?” Stéphane climbed under the covers, “Hopefully you’ll wake up at home tomorrow morning. I don’t know if they’re going to somehow get me on to a flight to Paris.”

Deniss imagined someone smuggling a sleeping Stéphane onto a plane. “…I’m not sure if that could happen.”


	12. Chapter 12

Deniss didn’t know when he fell asleep. He was more anxious than any other night in this strange room. Will I be able to leave? _What had happened in the outside world? Did his colleagues and friends know that I’m missing? And also, what will the relationship become between me and St_ _éph?_

When he woke up, even before he opened his eyes, he knew he was home. There was the familiar scent of his laundry detergent lingering on his beddings, the lighting was comfortable because the curtains were closed. It felt like a regular morning, apart from the still throbbing pain on his left arm, and someone sleeping close to him. Deniss only had a single bed in his apartment, so it would be very cramped if it were to accommodate two people.

Stéphane was beside him. Deniss turned his head to look at the other man, and Stéphane stirred a little bit before waking up _. Oh, we’re sharing a pillow as well_ , Deniss realized.

“Stéph?” Deniss said softly, “We’re home. At least it’s identical to my room. They didn’t get you onto a plane.”

Stéphane still had that sleepy face for a moment. Then he suddenly turned to Deniss, and wrapped both arms around the young man’s chest, his cheek pressing against Deniss’s neck.

Deniss was stunned. Is Stéphane also anxious? Does he also have fears in these days, despite looking calm and supportive while taking almost everything without complaining a word?

Just as he was about to respond to the hug and come up with some words to comfort his former mentor, Stéphane spoke with a very low voice, his breaths brushing against Deniss’s neck. “Don’t change, half an hour later, dry clean, headquarters.” His voice is so soft that Deniss was sure no one else could hear it. He deciphered those words half from his voice, half from the breathing pattern. Since Stéphane’s lips were almost pressing onto Deniss’s neck, no one else can read his lips, either.

“It’s alright, it’s over.” Deniss said, with a gentle tone but loud enough that if someone was eavesdropping, either in person or with a device, could easily hear it. He hid a hand under the blanket and tapped his fingers a few times on Stéphane’s back, signaling that he had received the order.

Deniss watered his plants in the short thirty minutes after Stéphane left his apartment. He was a little bit worried about Stéphane leaving alone first, but the chip should be functioning now in the city. And his potted plants…Deniss sighed. He shouldn’t have thought about them on their first day. Now he had to find something else to think about, which wouldn’t remind him of that bedroom and what they’ve done.

Deniss locked his apartment, knowing that he probably wouldn’t return for at least a week. The tech people will have to inspect the whole house, make sure everything was safe before allowing him back in. They’ll also probably change his lock on the door.

Stéphane told him not to change. A loose T-shirt and sweatpants weren’t the best attire going into the headquarters with many people dressed in business casual, but there were always two types of people who are allowed to violate their dressing code: officers in an emergency, and psychotherapists. He would take his current situation for an emergency.

Deniss was good enough at dry-cleaning, but his way of doing so normally took a lot of time. He went downstairs with a trashbag in hand, walked to the back of the building to put it into the big bin and left from the back gate. Then he took the busiest street in the city, headed towards the city centre, went into a shopping mall via a big supermarket. Entering a metro station and left from another exit, hiding in all the people going to work in the morning rush hour. Probably his attire wasn’t the best choice while trying to dry-clean himself in the crowd of office workers, but it should do.

He arrived at the headquarter forty minutes after leaving his apartment. He scanned his fingerprint at the side gate, and went upstairs to his department directly without going into the foyer. Although there are many secrets in the Intelligence Service, the headquarters can be found on Google map, and the reception was usually busy with people from outside: the police, the army, and different government agencies.

He waved to a couple of colleagues after scanning his fingerprint again in front of the Operation Department. In his cubicle, a new message window popped up once he turned his computer on.

_Get changed, seal your clothes in a bag and send it to tech. If you don’t have anything spare, I have some although it might not fit that well. Ask Rob. I called an emergency meeting at 10, LG 27. Don’t worry if you’ve missed it or feel uncomfortable to come down, I’ll keep a meeting minutes for you._

_Also, I’ve spoken to Laura and she can do a check-up for you this anytime today if there’s no emergencies. She’ll also get you an appointment with a psychiatrist._

_St_ _éph._

Deniss looked at the time at the corner of his computer. It’s only half past nine, a little bit more than an hour after Stéphane left his home. Considering the time he took for dry-cleaning and arranging everything, it’s unbelievably efficient.

He found a set of jeans and shirt which was stuffed into a drawer which he only open probably once in a month, and changed into them in the bathroom. The shirt was a little bit creased, but it would do. It’s better than this loose T-shirt.

He took a detour to the tech department and handed the sealed bag to them, and told them that he didn’t need them back. He’d rather forget them. He walked to the medical wing and told Laura that he’ll come back after lunch for the check-up. The chief medical officer insisted to take a look at his arm and clean the lesion again. “Stéph wouldn’t mind if you’re five or ten minutes late to the meeting. It’s an emergency meeting anyway. Send him to me if he wants to have a word, because I do want to have one with him.”

Deniss grimaced. First survival lesson in the Intelligence Service: don’t mess with any medical officer. Even the legendary Stéphane wouldn’t try it.

He was just five minutes late when he entered the conference room, and it hadn’t formally started yet. Brian, the head of Operations, was speaking to Salome; a couple of people from the tech side were there, busy typing away on their laptops, probably trying to screen all the monitor tapes in the city that could lead to an evidence to trace him-or the vehicle carrying him-eleven days ago; and Stéphane was sitting next to Chris, pointing to something on his laptop. Deniss saw the plain ring on Chris’s ring finger, and he almost felt his heartbeat pause for a good second. Stéphane wasn’t wearing his ring, but Chris was. He didn’t know whether Chris had been informed what had happened, but he knew the man would find out sooner or later.

The meeting started with Stéphane’s briefing, then from the tech department about what they’ve seen from the cameras near Deniss’s apartment and in Paris airport, Chris’s summary of the haphazard signals from Stéphane’s chip on their way back to Deniss’s apartment. Deniss tried to focus, but he found it difficult. His mind was almost blank, and every sentence, every piece of information, just came and went.

“So, Deniss.” Brian was flipping through his notes, “Your apartment isn’t considered safe, which you must know by now. There’s a safe house you can use while the operation and tech are making sure there’s no ‘intruder devices’ there. Is there anything that you would like to have while we carry out the work?”

Deniss was startled when Brian called him again. He really wasn’t focusing at all. “Oh, sorry, I was…no, not really, but can you water my plants while you’re there?” The safe house was usually well-stocked with everything a person could possibly need, from food to toiletries to spare clothes. But of course, nothing personal.

Brian continued to speak about what his department, well, Deniss’s colleagues, had planned on the investigation. “It’s a serious one,” he said, “We would have to contact intelligence services, at least in West and Central Europe, to see if there’re similar reports. We aren’t sure how many people would be able to walk out alive, so people missing for more than ten days would also need to be considered. But at least we know that the building you’re in is within ten hours from Lausanne, by land or by water. I think we can now eliminate the possibility that you’re transported back by plane.”

It’s still a very very big circle, but it’s a progress. Deniss sighed and looked at the tablet in front of him.

People were leaving the room as the meeting ended, until there’s only three people left in the room. Deniss, Stéphane and Chris. The couple seemed to be talking about the signals and testing the chip again, and Deniss thought that he should go back upstairs as well.

“Deniss, do you have a minute?” Stéphane asked as Deniss was about to stand up, “-I’ll drop by later.” He told Chris, and the man nodded, closed his laptop and left the room.

Deniss tried not to think too much when Stéphane sat down next to him. “Are you alright?”His former mentor asked, the brown eyes filled with concern. “You seemed to be…off in the meeting.”

Deniss bit his lip and nodded slowly, avoiding looking at Stéphane. “Yes, I guess…it’s just, like, a little bit unreal? That I’m safely, hopefully safely, back here. I’m going for the check-up later.”

Stéphane walked away, and came back in a minute and placed a paper cup in front of Deniss. “Have some water.” He said, “Safe house can be a little bit daunting and isolated, and if you need something, you can call me or anyone who was in this room just now using the device in the house. Or if you just want a chat.”

Stéphane’s voice was usually soothing, but not now. Deniss had to take a few deep breaths. “Stéph, I should be fine…” But his tears betrayed his words. He tried to hide it, but he wasn’t able to. It was frustrating. _Why is St_ _éphane still so calm? How can he just simply go back to his ‘work mode’ after such a horrible experience? How can he still be supportive after all I’ve done and been unable to do?_

“Deniss.” Stéphane attempted to take the young man’s hand, but Deniss didn’t let him. _No, I don’t deserve this,_ he thought.

Stéphane didn’t insist. “You’re safe now, and you’ve really done well in everything. We wouldn’t be back here if it weren’t you.”

Deniss tried hard to believe it. But somebody in his mind said otherwise. _You can’t even handle this_ , it said, _where has all your training gone?_

“No, Stéph, don’t.” He said, still trying very hard to control his temper. “Just…” and he fell again into a warm and firm embrace. Stéphane didn’t speak anymore, just hold Deniss there in his arms.

Deniss cried again. Stéphane’s embrace was almost magical, a wordless comfort, a place for him to let everything go. He can be weak in that embrace, a little shelter. But he still felt sad and somehow angry at himself. He wasn’t able to protect his mentor-although he was aware that Stéphane didn’t need it. He wasn’t able to control his emotions and be a master of his own mind. He wasn’t even able to focus on this important meeting. Although it’s more or less justified since he was just freshly out of a hellish situation, and the Service was generally sufficiently sympathetic towards those people, he still didn’t feel it’s okay. He was trained in this. He should be better than this.

“…Stéph,” Deniss didn’t know how long he cried for, before his tears slowly stopped. He felt a tiny bit better. “Has Chris been informed about what happened?” He regretted the question once he asked it. It’s too personal. It should be something between the couple, and it really had nothing to do with him at all.

“I didn’t tell him explicitly.”Stéphane answered frankly, “But he had been informed about the study, since it was in the briefing anyway. You came in as a whole piece, so he should have guessed it. Don’t worry about it.”

Deniss blinked and wiped his face with his hand. “He’s…not angry? About this?”

“Not that I can tell.” Stéphane passed a bunch of tissue paper to Deniss, “I think he’ll be more upset if it weren’t what it was. We didn’t have a better choice anyway.”

Deniss clutched the soaked paper in his fist, and noticed a patch of wetness on Stéphane’s shoulder. His tears. “Will you be…safe back at home?” Deniss asked. He might not pay attention during the meeting, but he knew Brian didn’t assign a safe house for Stéphane.

“I trust Chris’s set-ups.” Stéphane said, “Get some food upstairs, have a nap if you need to before seeing Laura.”

“Hmm.” Deniss nodded, “…And you? Will you see her?” Stéphane probably need some medical attention more than him.

“This evening.” Stéphane walked Deniss to the door, “Chris said he might be working late today anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're safely back!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy epilogue! The couple are already open to the idea of an open relationship/polyamory relationship before everything happened, so here it is.
> 
> Content Warning: Polyamory, in which two of them are legally married/Implied Injury/Anal Sex/Oral Sex/M/M/M Threesome

Probably for the very first time in his life, Deniss didn’t feel comfortable with Stéphane beside him. Sure, many things happened in his training and in his first year of qualification, but this was different.

Stéphane and Chris invited him over after knowing that he had recurring nightmares and general hypersensitivity while staying in the safe house. He talked to his psychiatrist and discussed it with her, considered her advice, and finally texted Stéphane saying that he’ll be coming.

He didn’t really know how long he intended to stay at Stéphane and Chris’s home, and the couple didn’t specify it, either. But soon he knew something was changing in the house.

There was an extra chair at the dining table. The kitchen was stocked again with baking necessities. He started to bring more of his outfits, and they even put a little desk at a sunny corner of the living room so that he could draw or write. “Of course you can use the study whenever you want to, as long as the door isn’t locked.” Stéphane made a funny face, “Chris locks me out of the study if he’s doing something important inside. I don’t think you want to be indoctrinated to anything unnecessarily.”

He did find some peace of mind living with the couple. Although he still had occasional issues with sleeping, he often could fall in sleep again after waking up in the middle of the night. And it’s always good to know that he is safe, the people he cares about is safe.

But it wasn’t that easy. Sometimes he felt a sudden surge of a certain desire, but he was too afraid to acknowledge it, or even think about it. He tried to ignore it, but it came up again and again.

It shouldn’t be like this. They’ve said in the very beginning that it should be treated as a professional incident, and they should be emotionally detached as much as possible. Even ignoring all other factors, Deniss knew Stéphane is married. He was the couple’s best man at their wedding.

When everything started to get unbearable, Deniss decided to talk to Chris about it. First of all, Chris knew what happened almost from the beginning to the end, and it wouldn’t cost him more energy to explain everything, which is actually pretty private in a sense. Also, Deniss said to himself, if Chris decided to politely suggest that he should move out after knowing his thoughts, he would kind of feel better.

Deniss didn’t ask Stéphane to be with them, but neither did they choose a time or place to avoid him altogether. _That was probably a clever move,_ Deniss thought, _so he wouldn’t need to explain everything in front of Stéphane-which he doubted if he could even do it-but also it didn’t feel like they would be making some decisions in secret._

He felt a moment of guilt as he rationalized his choices for this little talk to himself. Again, he was definitely making himself feel comfortable here, and he retrospectively realized he wasn’t really considering the couple. He wasn’t sure how they’ll react to everything, but he was certain that once he confessed, it will be the point of no return. There relationship could never go back, for better or for worse.

Chris poured a cup of tea and pushed it towards Deniss, quietly waiting for him to speak. Deniss finally took a deep breath and started, with his gaze fixed on his knees. “I think, maybe I’ve said this…but I really feel I hurt him.” He pressed both hands onto his knees, “I know he would probably try to comfort me by saying no, but I did. I don’t know…is it better because we have little choice? Or is it worse because I was…taking that advantage, so as to say?”

“I don’t mean to be eavesdropping, but I can hear it from the kitchen.” Stéphane walked towards them and sat down next to Deniss, “I said yes.” Deniss shivered as Stéphane placed a palm on his shoulder.

Deniss murmured, “But you don’t have a choice.”

“Neither do you have. Neither of us have a better choice.” Stéphane said softly, “I know it’s probably difficult to perceive it as a professional incident, but don’t be stressed about it. Sometimes worse things happen in this profession, and this is really…don’t worry too much about it.”

Deniss lifted his gaze and met Chris’s. That man was just as he remembered, calm and caring. “Deniss, it’s fine, really. You had to do it to save both of you, and there’s really no harm-”

Deniss cut him short. “No, I…” He took a long pause and closed his eyes, “It’s more than that. These days, I’m starting to think that I’m such a terrible human.” He felt Stéphane pressing down a little bit harder on his shoulder, but it might also just be his imagination. “I…after that, sometimes…I think of Stéph again. I know it’s terribly wrong, but I…” He covered his face with both palms, but the other two knew he was sobbing. “Really, I don’t deserve this. You two are too kind to invite me to stay here.”

Stéphane didn’t break contact with him as he expected. Neither of the couple said anything to kick him out of their house, and Deniss finally put his hands down.

“Deniss,” Chris took some tissue paper to wipe away his tears as Stéphane spoke softly, “I’m serious in saying this. You can have me again if you wish to.”

Deniss was stunned. He couldn’t have heard it right. “Why-”He stared at the wedding ring on Chris’s finger, “You’ve pledged loyalty to each other. I can’t…”

“We’ve pledged to be true, yes, but ‘true’ can mean many things.” Chris took the younger man’s hands, “And I am serious in saying this, as well. I discussed with Stéph before regarding what you’re experiencing, and…of course, we’re by no means professionals in this, but it might help if you do it again and…do it right? There’s nothing to be ashamed or feared of. Loyalty takes many forms, and this is definitely not cheating.”

“Chris can be there, or we can ask him to leave.” Stéphane added, “It’s up to you, whatever makes you feel more comfortable, if it helps.”

In the end, Deniss asked Chris to stay. It might be awkward at times, but he needed some assurance that he’s doing the right things. He needed Chris to stop him if he pushes things too far, since Stéphane might just be too nice to say anything.

It wasn’t the first time that Deniss saw the couple’s bedroom. Well, they did close the door at night, but it was impossible for Deniss not to have a couple of glimpses of their master bedroom during the day. He knew there are some questionable ladybug blanket and cushions, and several random books on the nightstand; there’s clothes on the rack, and decorations here and there.

Stéphane moved closer and wrapped his arms around Deniss’s upper back. “Deniss.” He said, softly, “Don’t worry. Relax, and try to have fun, or to take whatever you need tonight.”

Deniss felt that he was slowly giving in to the embrace. It’s warm, loving, and as if he could just sink into that huge bubble of kindness, acceptance and support. “Can I kiss you?” He asked, chin resting on Stéphane’s shoulder.

“Sure.” Stéphane patted the younger man’s back.

Deniss slowly detangled himself from the hug and pressed his own lips onto Stéphane’s. With hesitation, he attempted to touch Stéphane’s lips with the tip of his tongue; almost immediately, the man allowed him in, without any resistance.

Deniss cherished his first serious kiss. He felt he was the one more in control here, as Stéphane was really letting him take his time and do it slowly. He tasted a little hint of mint, that of a tube of toothpaste in the bathroom; but he tasted more warmth, the heat from another person, that moment of intimacy and trust.

He placed both hands on the hem of Stéphane’s T-shirt, and rolled it upwards, removing the soft textile. He had seen Stéphane’s upper body-in fact, his whole body-a couple of times, but this is the first time when they’re actually safe. Not when he was trying to give Stéphane a quick first-aid, nor when they’re just trying to complete each day’s weird task in the cursed complex.

“Where did you get all these?” Deniss’s fingertips brushed through some scars, “They must hurt terribly…”

“I can’t quite remember.” Stéphane rubbed Deniss’s hair, “And I don’t think Chris remembers them, either. I have no chance knowing them, then.”

“There’s a better chance to ask Laura.” Chris chuckled and helped Deniss to get Stéphane lying onto the mattress, “I think she knew every trouble you were in.”

Stéphane laughed, “Fair. But I bet Deniss is more scared of her than we are.”

“Anyone but her.” Deniss hissed, “Everyone was told not to mess with her. –Can I?” He asked, with a hand on the waistband of Stéphane’s sweatpants. He slowly pulled it down, after hearing a hum of confirmation.

Chris passed a bottle of lubricant and a condom in foil package. “Hopefully it fits.” Deniss almost could feel a rush of heat on his ears.

Stéphane pecked at his nosetip. “Do you want me to turn around, dear?”

“Y..Yes.” Deniss just looked at Stéphane turning to face away from him, while peeling off his underwear, and adjusted to a comfortable position, with the top knee bent, and a hand between his face and the sheets.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure you know-well, technically how to-do it. Stéphane is fairly responsive in bed, and he’ll tell us if anything doesn’t feel right.” Chris lied down on the other side and pressed a light kiss on Stéphane’s forehead, “Go ahead.”

Of course Deniss technically knew how to do it. Besides being an intelligence officer who is supposed to know a lot, it wasn’t his first time. It wasn’t even his first time with Stéphane. But on the other hand, he didn’t want it to be a technical and professional thing. He wanted to show some love and care, maybe even appreciation.

It was quiet as Deniss slowly and gently opened Stéphane up. He occasionally dropped feathery kisses on Stéphane’s soft brown hair, but mostly just focusing on what he’s doing. He never dared to set his eyes on Stéphane’s body a month ago, and right now he’s feeling less guilt about it. He kissed Stéphane’s nape of neck and the muscles on his back, and caressed his slim waist and lean legs. He could feel the other person eventually melting under his exploration, with long and sweet breathing, which felt so different compared to the time when they were trapped in the complex.

As Deniss pressed himself all the way in, Stéphane laced his own fingers with Deniss’s, which were placed on his waist, and brought Deniss’s hand to his chest. “I’m good,” he whispered as Deniss waited for a cue, “let loose, dear.”

Deniss started slow and picked up momentum shortly after. He knew Chris was exchanging short kisses with Stéphane, and he could feel the heartbeat just underneath his palm. He felt good, relaxed, even a little bit ethereal.

But he suddenly froze as he heard something throaty, maybe a moan, maybe a grunt. “Stéph?” He asked, voice filled with concern, “Am I hurting you?”

Stéphane made another whine. “Non,” He said, with a nasal sound that’s so different from his ‘normal’ French voice, “Ça v….Sorry,” He chuckled, “It’s good. French sometimes slips out.”

“Don’t worry,” Chris assured, “It’s more like a kitten’s mewl.” Stéphane giggled and attempted to kick Chris’s shin, but it was perfectly dodged.

Deniss held Stéphane even closer, now almost completely spooning him. He didn’t even think of that much of body contact before; the closer they get, the more likely he’ll be emotionally involved in this. But now he felt it’s alright to have some emotional attachment with Stéphane, maybe even with Chris. He felt loved and accepted, and almost able to seamlessly blend into the moment. Almost.

“I’m close,” He warned as he felt pleasure about to take over him, and heard another throaty moan from Stéphane. Well, Chris was surely playing his game as well.

Deniss was brought back to the earth with a gentle but long kiss. Stéphane turned around to kiss him, nibbling his lower lip. Deniss blinked his eyes when he felt some stickiness where their skin pressed together, not sure if he should feel a little embarrassed for it.

Stéphane finished the kiss with another peck on his forehead before turning to Chris. “You need to be taken care of as well,” he poked at the clear bulge under his partner’s – his legal partner’s – pants, “Mouth?”

“Hmm.” Chris lazily let Stéphane slip down to his knees, “Deniss, if you don’t feel comfortable in this – ”

Deniss looked into Chris’s green eyes. “Can I stay?” He didn’t know if it was a polite hint for him, but he didn’t care. He really need some time here next to them to digest what just happened.

“Stay.” Stéphane said without looking up, “we’re happy to have you here.” He shook his head to get some hair out of the way and licked a long line underneath Chris’s cock, kissed the tip and stretched his lips to take it into his mouth. Deniss suddenly felt he needs some water.

“You’re more than welcome to stay, now and…in every sense.” Chris said to Deniss, while messing with Stéphane’s ruffled hair.

Deniss drew his knees to his chest, and watched the couple. Talking with Stéphane is impossible now, and he doesn’t think he should distract Chris from this. But he felt happy.

Chris pulled Stéphane up after his own orgasm, and wiped his moist lips with the back of his hand. Stéphane smiled and snuggled closer, while Chris subtly invited Deniss to join for an embrace.

“Deniss?” Stéphane asked lazily, with a slightly different voice, “Are you feeling good?”

Deniss swear he wasn’t thinking about the relationship between Stéphane’s voice change to what he saw just now. “Yes, I’m…It’s fantastic. Thank you.”

“Aw, you’re welcome.” Stéphane kissed Deniss’s golden hair, “I feel great, too.”


End file.
